“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.” Haruki Murakami
Waiting in the queue for a break in the traffic, the eyes had wandered over to the playground where a couple of teens were busy with their mock football match at one end. At the far end, a few were playing throw-ball. In the midst of the latter game, a heated argument followed by a flurry of fists resulting in two players walking off. Seeing these scenes triggered off the memory of the middle school wherein peer gangs were rampant and gangs were the norm. Selection for sports as well as arts revolved around the factor of being in the know or the select few. If a art geek decided to enroll for the selection in the softball team, putting the name down would be like writing in the water and similar for a football defender who liked to indulge their culinary urge. Watching my nieces and nephews as they go through their middle school, the bite of those yesteryear still sting but lessons learnt were valuable for life.
“Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.” Richard Kadrey
All of us have our cache of “bad memories”. Some we tend to carry along through the childhood to the adult phase. While others we may bury them, only that they tend to surface intermittently especially when least expected. There are those days that no matter how hard one tries, they gray clouds linger and cast shadows in the mind.
“I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance.” Beryl Markham
Dealing with those harsh memories requires one to acknowledge it, accept it and make the stern choice to move on. To forget them may be really difficult, but learning to deal with them is a must. Those cliches and gangs of middle school still exist in the adult world, albeit in a more subtle manner. The choice is to learn and then move on. Getting trapped in one phase for long, results in the soul being frozen by the rampant thoughts. While one can’t do anything about the passed years, the reaction and choice of the present lies in own hands and how deals with the circumstances. As the bad moments crowd, the purpose of the present would be to make new memories suffused with warmth, joy and laughter to live the hours of now as well as tide over the future.
Memory
Memory engulfed so much evil,
without a count or bounds.
All the time life lied and lied,
there is no more trust in life.
Maybe, there are no cities,
maybe no green gardens,
just lives instead the power of ice,
and the salted oceans.
Maybe, the world is just all snow,
and a starlit road.
Maybe the world is all taiga
in the mind of God.
Varlim Shalimov
Sugar And Spice... Among Other Things 