Category: Personal Musings

Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Personal Musings, Quotes, Stories Around the World, Work

The Way We Phrase Them

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“But words are things, and a small drop of ink,
Falling like dew, upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think.”
– George Gordon, Lord Byron

Reasoning with a child especially of the preschool years, or getting out of their earnest request for their wishes is never easy. The reason being simply is the way they put across their choices with words. From the initial demand of “I want that” to requests pleading “may I please have it” to outright tantrums and then finally the round-about way. The latter is the most difficult one to get out of. The “round-about” ways include “If I would get that new cycle, then I’ll be able to spend less television time and more play”, “new roller blades translates as more exercise” or “the more ice cream and the more veggies trade” and so on. During most of these occasions, what strikes me as most remarkable is their way with words as they put across what they want.

“You can change the course of your life with your words.” Anonymous

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The age old conflict of the “pen or the sword being mighty”, it’s the essence of the words that have the power over both. The way we say things have a powerful effect. While positive words leave a good feeling behind, besides changing many perspectives for the better along the way; negative words can have a drastic impact as well. For instance the negative emotions especially at the work place; to put across one’s anger, from direct hurtful words to pointed polite reminders or snide remarks, there are different ways to express out the emotion. Although in doing so, the task may or mayn’t be done; but more than that the bitter taste of the words have the potency to darken the mood of the day. What we say matters. The way we say matters. The “how” we say matters.

“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.” Nelson Mandela

For those days, when we think silence speaks louder than words; at times they may do; but when those words which should be spoken aren’t said, misunderstandings may happen, sometimes reversible; or not. It’s so easy to break, but difficult to repair whether they be people, time or relationships.

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Words when born out of concern, kindness, humaneness, love and understanding have the brightness to turn the most stark, dull or difficult occasions into stepping stones as well bring courage to brave the darkness and survive. Yet words when in haste, when in anger, thoughtless or out of tune to the situation and scenario, have the potential to destroy and impair beyond the perceived boundaries.

Words and communication are a gift. While on one hand we have the gift of the using the right words at the right times, the other deep end is either ceaseless chatter, verbal diarrhea, thoughtless and hurtful talk. Being at both ends, that of the sender and the receiver, will teach us through experience and lessons that words can change one’s live, no matter how small or big it may be.

“For me, words are a form of action, capable of influencing change. Their articulation represents a complete, lived experience.” Ingrid Bengis

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One day a blind man was sitting on the steps of a building with a hat near his feet and a sign saying: “I am blind, please help.”
One person passed by and stopped. He saw a disabled person who had only a few coins in his hat. He threw him a couple of coins and, without his permission, wrote new words on the tablet. He left her a blind man and left.
By the end of the day, he returned and saw that the hat was full of coins. The blind man recognized him step by step and asked if he was the person who had rewritten the tablet. The blind also wanted to know exactly what he wrote. He replied:
– Nothing that would be wrong. I just wrote it a little differently.
He smiled and left.
A new inscription on the plate was: “It’s spring now, but I can’t see it.”

“There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk, and when you are so enthralled you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside you they work their magic.” Diane Setterfield

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Posted in Life, Personal Musings, Quotes, Stories Around the World, Work

Of Criticism and Growth

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“The greatest success is by helping others succeed and grow”. Gregory Scott Reid

Daily meetings, brain storming sessions, weekly to monthly audits and assessments are just a few of the many routines that become a part of the working hours. Besides the stress of getting prepared for these meetings is the onslaught of criticism that often comes along with them. Many a time, the harsh words, though said for improvement on the whole, have the potential to ruin not just the mood for the day or the project, but also destroy the cordiality and communication between colleagues.

“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” Frank A. Clark

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts
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An open two edged sword is criticism; for it has both the power and potential, to create as well as destroy, even if done with the best intentions at heart, albeit a poor deliverance. To grow, one needs to know the better way of doing things as well as new methods. Fresh perspectives are often given when viewed from far, or when heard from a fresh viewpoints. Criticism is needed to grow and flourish; but certain practicalities need to be kept in mind when dealing with them.

“Every human being is entitled to courtesy and consideration. Constructive criticism is not only to be expected but sought.” Margaret Chase Smith

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For the criticizers, learning to objective, non-biased, fair and practical, removing undesirable or malicious personal intentions from the root, while thinking to criticize. There are always different ways to say the same thing. For instance, “Although the planning is good, there are few gray areas that may not help it to work out” sounds better than “this plan is preposterous“. While truth is truth, “practical be practically feasible” and “direct-to-the-point sayees” not sugar-coat their words; there are ways to be gentle, direct, kind as well as truthful, without being hurtful, malicious or derive pleasure from the downfall of others. After all what goes around, comes round and back to the initiator in the long run.

“I criticize by creation, not by finding fault.” Marcus Tullius Cicero

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On the receiving end, learning to accept and discard the right words, objectives, advice or plans are equally important in improving the self in the long run. In order to experience growth and progress; one needs to improvise, remove possible errors and initiate changes at the right time. All these and more can be made by accepting fresh perspectives, once in a while. Criticism will always come no matter what. It’s up to oneself to show the right attitude and deal with the words, actions and deeds that one may come across, especially at the work front. As a matter fact, stone are thrown only at trees bearing fruit.

“Stay positive and happy. Work hard and don’t give up hope. Be open to criticism and keep learning. Surround yourself with happy, warm and genuine people.” Tena Desae

Many years ago there were a group of brilliant young men at the University of Wisconsin. The group of men seemed to have an amazing creative literary talent and were extraordinary in their ability to put their literary skills to its best use. These promising young men met regularly to read and critique each other’s literary works. These men were merciless while they criticized one another. They dissected the most minute of the expressions and offered tough and even mean criticism to each others work. Their meeting sessions became arenas of literary criticism and the members of this exclusive club called themselves the “Stranglers.”

Not to be excluded to the opportunity to level up there literary skills, the women of literary interest in the university started a club of their own, one comparable to Stranglers. The members called themselves the “ Wranglers.” The member of the lub too presented their literary pieces in front of each another. But the feedback from the members were much more softer, more positive and more encouraging. Every effort from a member, even the most feeble one, was encouraged by all.

After twenty years, a university alumnus was doing a study of his classmates’ career when he noticed a huge difference in the literary accomplishments of the Stranglers and the Wranglers. Among all the brilliant young men in the strangler, none had made any significant literary achievement. But the Wranglers had several successful writers and some renowned national literary talents. The talent and the education between the two groups were almost the same. There were not much difference. The Stranglers strangled each other while the Wranglers gave each other a lift. The stranglers created atmosphere of contention and self doubt while the Wranglers brought out the best in each other. (Source: vk. com)

“If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.” François de La Rochefoucauld

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Posted in Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, poetry, Quotes, Reflections, Work

The “Changed Faces”

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

If you were deceived by life,
Don’t feel dismal, don’t get mad!
Be at ease and don’t feel sad:
The days of joy will soon arrive!
The heart can’t wait for this to pass;
The present is depressing here:
All is fleeting rather fast;
That which passes will be dear.
-Alexander Pushkin (1825)

Change in life, happens like water; more so when people are involved. The continuous flow of water or the sudden gush with or without a block in the regular course; taking the shape of the vessel it belongs to and tasteless but blending its flavours from the source till the other end; the nature of people runs along similar lines. Especially the latter, which maybe as predictable as the flow and nature of water or even the wind.

“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.” Nicholas Sparks

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Source:https://vk.com/englisharoundtheworld
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Reviewing across the various phases in life, many of us may have encountered at some point of time or other, people who were once close acquaintances become distant or avoidant; or the ones who were “less friendly” stepping in with a helping hand or forging new bonds in the later years. Such is the nature of man in general. People change, so do perspectives and perceptions. While for some the fault may be ours or on the other side; sometimes the distance may just happen. Bridging the gap maybe too late; at times a non achievable feat, no matter how much one may try.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Victor Frankl

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As the “faces” change, one of the hardest part is accepting the “blow”, while at the same time, trying one’s best to not bear deep seated grudges or hatred within. Being human, feeling hate, regret, disappointment among the many emotions is normal and natural. Yet staying in the same rut or frame of mind will prove detrimental in the short as well as the long run. People will change, each of us will be subject to change in our lives. Few times we may be at the receiving end of “changed faces”, while other times we may at the “giving” end. No matter how the “changing faces” maybe; moving on in the right manner is what matters the most. For life with her lessons, gives us memories and moments to cherish, learn from as well as mature for the better tomorrow.

“You collect people to take with you. Some people change, other people don’t… it’s wonderful because I’ve met some incredible friends.” Imogen Poots

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Posted in Daily, Life, Personal Musings, Stories Around the World

Quest for “Essence” of Life

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“If we don’t feel love within our own selves, then do wealth and success matter as much?” – Lewis Howes (School of Greatness podcast)

Entering into the final year of school, my niece had been asking about advice for further education and career guidance. While exploring various choices and options, what brought to mind was the similar situation faced earlier in life. Looking down the lane, one eventually realizes that one needs to follow their dreams in order to find inner content. Success and wealth depends on how one defines it, but without love in life, the latter becomes a big meaningless journey.

“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” Thomas Merton

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For basic comfort and necessities, no matter how educated one may be; at the end what really matters is bread and butter as well as shelter, sleep and someone to share this life with. All success achieved or wealth earned will be futile if one has nobody to open up to or spend some time with. No doubt, wealth and success have their own worth and are indeed a necessary part of life. Yet if one was to welcome them, shunning out basic humaneness and kindness that love for humanity brings along with it; both wealth and success may have a fruitless run, either in the present generation or the next.

“The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty.” Zig Ziglar

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Love, Wealth and Success
Author Unknown

A woman came out of her house and saw three old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said, “I don’t think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat.”
“Is the man of the house home?” they asked. “No”, she said. “He’s out.” “Then we cannot come in”, they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. “Go tell them I am home and invite them in,” he said. The woman went out and invited the men in. “We do not go into a house together,” they replied. “Why is that?” she wanted to know. One of the old men explained: “His name is Wealth,” he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, “He is Success, and I am Love.” Then he added, “Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home.”
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. “How nice!” he said. “Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!” His wife disagreed. “My dear, why don’t we invite Success?” Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: “Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!”

“Let us heed our daughter-in-law’s advice,” said the husband to his wife. “Go out and invite Love to be our guest.” The woman went out and asked the three old men, “Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest.” Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other two also got up and followed him.

Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: “I only invited Love, why are you coming in?” The old men replied together: “If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would’ve stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!”

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Posted in Christian, Daily, Life, Personal Musings, poetry

Thy Will be Done

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.” (Psalm 25:4—5,9)

Following the principles of the Christian Faith, family prayer is an essential part of the daily life. On praying aloud with children in the family; for a toddler to understand elaborate words may be difficult. For the little ones, to comprehend the concept of Christ and His Sacrifice may be difficult, but they deeply feel the love of God and His Kindness. On reading passages from the Bible, they’re engaged in the story and the events that unfolded. Yet while praying together, keeping it short and simple is easy for them to learn and understand the essence of Christian Faith.

“Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.” (Proverbs 16:20)

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While teaching the little ones to pray before they sleep, the Love of Christ, God’s Grace as well as the protection of the Holy Spirit is said as a part of their prayers. however complete submission to God’s Will and His Role in the Christian need not be echoed by elaborate words but as simple words as , “Lord let it all be as by thy Will”. Prayer from the heart doesn’t demand nor does it ask for concessions. To pray from the heart with complete surrender putting their worries into His Hands, repenting for the wrongs, trusting His Will and His immense Grace to make things go as per His Plan, is not easy to practise; yet much is the power of true prayer.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”(1 Thessalonians 5:16–18)

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God, Here Is Bill

Simple and poor
The old negro prayed to God.
Husky bass he firmer
Only three words. “God, here, Bill,”

Pastor John with him for a long time struggled
to pray he studied,
to a beautiful saying,
Not just:. “God, here Bill”

Negro hours on his knees
slalom Creator Thanksgiving
but prayer is offered
as succinctly: “God, here, Bill,”

His life has come to a close,
and in the hospital room
he for the poor hit.
Pastor John to it went.

But once it was clear
that the empty bunk Bill.
the pastor politely asked
patients: “And where is Bill?”

The whole hospital room,
Quietly embraced with joy,
Bloomed like a May garden.
And the patient said:

“Oh, Bill, our saint, believe me.
In the morning, before the death
of Tycho, the last effort
to pray,” God, here, Bill. “

The entire chamber followed by
illuminating the bright light
as if the angelic palace.
From the Sky, a voice: “Bill, God is here.”

The pastor fell to his knees,
To praise the Creator,
But he managed to say
only three words: “God, John is here.”
-Vladimir Artemyev

(Translated to English, Source:vk.com)

“…….. your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10)

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Posted in Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, poetry, Work

Amidst the “Dark Clouds”

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.” Rabindranath Tagore

With summer skies slowly fading away to the rains, the time for quiet reflections indoors when “the pitter-patter” of rain starts outside. Add to it the melee of children and keeping them occupied indoors is no easy task. With the rains on full swing, the childhood memories of making paper boats, splashing into puddles, getting wet as well as schools getting cancelled due to the downpour were the routine that comes to mind.

“And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.” Gilbert K. Chesterton

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Fast forward to the present day, for the “adult” rains bring forth an inner dread. Although the smell of fresh earth haunts the adult mind and memories, it is buried under the hassles of getting to work on time, the commute and the traffic, the dirty marks on the kitchen floors, clothes perpetually wet and children mud stained; rains although are necessary for the fields and crops, the adult mind prays only for a healthy dose for a short time. What the “adult” fails to realise is that, perspectives do matter. Rains can be made a hassle or as fun depending on how one blends it into one’s framework of mind.

“Into each life some rain must fall.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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For happiness to be squelched, there are innumerable things. On the other hand, in the same scenario and same situation, change of one’s attitude, approach and perspective makes all the difference in finding happiness, losing the stress and being at peace. One needs a bit of everything in life to enjoy, a bit of rain and summer skies, a little of cold winds and snow as well as the essence of spring time air. Same is the case with joys, sorrows, happiness, failures and success. Staying on the same page, time frame or waves of success brings no challenge or sense of accomplishment and contentment in the day. To find the happiness; experiences of joys, fear, trouble, success, sorrows, kindness, love as well as failure help us appreciate the good and best things that life, time and memories wash up onto our shores.

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” Ashley Smith

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There is the silly elation,
The garden the windows look on!
Soundless sunset reflection
Swims in the pool, like a swan.

Greetings, golden serenity,
Shadows of trees, black as tar!
Crows on the roof, in sincerity,
Hold vespers in praise of the star.

Timidly over the garden
Where the guelder- rose springs,
A girl in a snow white garment
A beautiful melody sings.

Like a blue gown
Cold from the meadow sweeps …
Happiness, sweet silly feeling!
Virginal blush of the cheeks!

Sergey Yesenin (1918)

“Sometimes we should express our gratitude for the small and simple things like the scent of the rain, the taste of your favorite food, or the sound of a loved one’s voice.” Joseph B. Wirthlin

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Posted in Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Quotes, Reflections, Work

When on the “Other Side”

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“But here I am in July, and why am I thinking about Christmas pudding? Probably because we always pine for what we do not have. The winter seems cozy and romantic in the hell of summer, but hot beaches and sunlight are what we yearn for all winter.” Joanna Franklin Bell

While on the drive back from work, being the passenger had benefits of giving some free time to think. On reviewing the events and activities of midweek left the mind pondering on the subtle balance on the way one thinks of life. recalling to mind, the innumerable mishaps, lucky escapes, second chances as well as the problems faced and overcome both at the work front and at home, leaves one wondering if life on the other side would have been better. The notion that “grass may be greener on the other side” is there within each one of us. While we may knowingly refuse to acknowledge or promote it, similar thoughts often surface especially when one hits any hurdle, be it physical, social, emotional or mental.

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“And I’d like to give my love to everybody, and let them know that the grass may look greener on the other side, but believe me, it’s just as hard to cut.” Little Richard

While it may be human to think of “the green grass on the other side “; learning to think of one’s own side as well as the fences all around one may change the way of thinking from being resentful or inner misery to one of gratitude for the blessings till now. Beside doing so, would help to improve their “own share of grass”.

Before one complains about life, think about those who have left life too early with their hopes or desires incomplete, forced but never by own free choice, leaving behind a trail of grief, regrets and sorrow.

Before listing the issues with our own children, their vices and habits; think of those who long for children but cannot have them. Even worse, think of those parents who have their family broken as a consequence of vices, disease, crime, natural disasters, accidents or events beyond their control.

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Before one says words of hatred, anger or swear because of the disorder at work or at home, think about those who are less fortunate, unemployed or live on the streets. On complaining about the distance one needs to drive daily, think about those who walk the same distance on foot. When tired and weighed down or complaining about work; think about those who have been recently unemployed or left their jobs due to personal issues, or have been hunting for their education based employment for quite some time.

Gratitude or blessings that one has been showered on often goes unnoticed. One never realizes that their own lives are at times envied by others. Each one has their own share of worries, same with “every other side”.

“The grass is always greener on the other side – until you get there and see it’s AstroTurf. Symbols are never reality. Someone might have amassed material success and fame, but that doesn’t mean they’re happy. So, don’t go judging a person’s life by the cover.” Karen Salmansohn

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When thinking of “the other side”, there are innumerable parameters that can be measured or weighed. One never realizes how lucky they were, unless one goes without it. Through centuries and time, life still teaches us that, while the grass may or mayn’t be green on the other side; unless one learns to appreciate and take care of the grass that one has or owns, it will too wither and die.

“Even if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, keep to your own side; it’s where you belong. There you can plant your own grass and tend to it.”
Richelle E. Goodrich, Slaying Dragons

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“I looked through others’ windows
On an enchanted earth
But out of my own window–
solitude and dearth.

And yet there is a mystery
I cannot understand–
That others through my window
See an enchanted land.”
― Jessie B. Rittenhouse