Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Quotes, Stories Around the World

The Three Sieves

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.” Fran Lebowitz

The greatest ability that puts man apart from the rest of the oxygen dependent genres is the ability to read, write, think, comprehend and speak various languages understood with all of his kind. The gift of verbal and non-verbal communication of man is at a higher level than the rest of the living species.

“There is a time and a place for things. Sometimes one needs to put a filter on oneself. That can be a good thing.” Tori Amos

Which is why before we say something rash or simply repeat the hearsay, think if doing so is worth the time, effort, energy as well as the consequences and the aftermath. The wheel of time is such that it can be only move forward. Once a particular event has happened for good or bad, we can’t change it but only deal with it or take corrective measures.

“Speak only if it improves upon the silence.” Mahatma Gandhi

Unless we learn to sieve our words and thoughts when we tweet, speak or cast them to the world around us; we would end up with a whole load of regrets, guilt and uneasiness. It is easy to fill in conversation gaps, catch attention or be the first with the information; yet unless it is true, beneficial, required, non intrusive and kind; saying nothing is more restful to oneself and others as well.

“Before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you invest, investigate. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try. Before you retire, save. Before you die, give.” William Arthur Ward

“One day, the old wise Socrates walks down the streets, when all of the sudden a man runs up to him “Socrates I have to tell you something about your friend who…”
“Hold up” Socrates interrupts him “About the story you’re about to tell me, did you put it trough the three sieves?”
“Three sieves?” The man asks “What three sieves?”
“Let’s try it” Socrates says.
“The first sieve is the one of truth, did you examine what you were about to tell me if it is true?” Socrates asks.
“Well no, I just overheard it” The man says.
“Ah, well then you have used the second sieve, the sieve of good?” Socrates asks “Is it something good what you’re about to tell me?”
“Ehm no, on the contrary” the man answers.
“Hmmm” The wise man says “Let’s use the third sieve then, is it necessary to tell me what you’re so exited about?”
“No not necessary” the man says.
“Well” Socrates says with a smile “If the story you’re about to tell me isn’t true, good or necessary, just forget it and don’t bother me with it.”
Socrates

Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Stories Around the World

Love the Dandelions

“I was a dandelion puff…Some saw the beauty in me and stooped quietly to admire my innocence. Others saw the potential of what I could do for them, so they uprooted me, seeking to shape me around their needs. They blew at my head, scattering my hair from the roots, changing me to suit them. Yet still others saw me as something that was unworthy and needed to be erased.” Nicole Bailey-Williams

A man who took great pride in his lawn found himself with a large crop of dandelions. He tried every method he knew to get rid of them. Still they plagued him. Finally he wrote to the Department of Agriculture. He enumerated all the things he had tried and closed his letter with the question: “What shall I do now?” In due course, the reply came: “We suggest you learn to love them.” ( adapted from Anthony de Mello’s The Song of the Bird)

We all have our own set of “dandelions” like a difficult boss, hectic work load, nosy neighbours, gossipy community member who we encounter on a daily basis, a disorderly household or even the unruly hair that refuses to settle down; the list is endless. While we would be able to change few of them them, the others would be in the category that we can’t change despite countless efforts, manoeuvres and attempts. What we can’t change, we shouldn’t fight. When we learn to accept and find a way to work around our “dandelions”, we achieve happiness in all the other good parts of life. There is a whole wide green lawn out there, yet only when we kick off our shoes, step into the green blades (scattered with the dandelions or not), we learn to enjoy the sense of beauty that nature offers us.

“Dandelions, like all things in nature are beautiful when you take the time to pay attention to them.” June Stoyer

In our lives, at work, in the neighbourhood and community and even among our extended families; there would be “dandelions” cropping every now and then. Yet these “dandelions” have their own beauty. As seen through nature and in various places, dandelions are not always considered as weeds. From being a medicinal herb to being cultivated as a crop for dandelion wine or tea, their uses vary on occasion, place, purpose and requirement. Likewise, when we learn to enjoy every “dandelion”, their beauty and abilities will be appreciated. Remember the fun memories with dandelions in our childhood. Be like a child with the “dandelions” we find in our life, curl the stems in water, blow out the seeds, paint them and above all, make cherished memories having fun.

“Dandelions are just friendly little weeds who only want to be loved like flowers.” Heather Babcock

Posted in Family and Society, Life, Reflections, Stories Around the World

Aim of Schooling

“Intelligence plus character-that is the goal of true education.” Martin Luther King Jr.

As an infant grows up into a toddler entering childhood, one of the first things parents do, is to rush them into pre-school or centers for education to foster their growth of knowledge, skills and learning. Then the next stage is to ensure their admission into the best schools of the locality with high marks performance of marks and grades. Schooling is an extensive way of learning whereby understanding and ability of students are passed on from one initiation to the next by guidance and examinations. The primary purpose of schooling is not just to impart knowledge, but to enable the children of today to be productive for the distant tomorrow of society and to lead the future.

Education comes from within; you get it by struggle and effort and thought. Napoleon Hill

School doesn’t pave the way only to be literate, get jobs, vote or to be a professional. Instead it broadens the horizons, helps to find the inner talents and gifts, putting them to good use. School initiates children for the basics of life, finding self confidence and ability to stand on their own feet, rooting for the right ideals and strong principles. Unfortunately the current scenario of schools and education is to stereotype each child and mould them into a particular profession, whether it is by their choice is irrelevant. The fault lies not only with them alone, but also with parents and society who classify children based on their professional qualifications and job capacities.

“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.”  Plato

The catch to all the school based learning is whether it prepares our children for the realities of life. As they mature into young adults, children and adolescents get trapped in the social structure of thoughts, patterns and needs of the society foregoing their own likes, talents and gifts. Just like the eagles which soars the skies and cheetah the land, substitute their places or confine them in boxes, they lose their ability to fight, survive and appreciate life. This scenario could be metaphorically extended to children who are being moulded into the schools for grades and marks alone. Instead we, society as a whole, lose out on special talents, skills and art. There is more to life than jobs, grades, marks and examinations. Though they are indeed necessary, they are not what life is all about. For the most successful person that we know with the best grades making good money can be the unhappiest, dissatisfied or mentally disturbed on the inside. Let each child look beyond the exams and do what they love and excel in. The rest will follow.

This letter to the parents of students was written by the director of the Singapore school. But what do you want to be read by all parents in all schools in the world.
“Dear Parents. Your children will begin examinations soon. I know that you are all very worried that they should pass them well. But please remember: among the students in this exam there will be an artist who does not need to understand mathematics thoroughly. There will be an entrepreneur for whom history or English literature is not so important. A musician who does not need chemistry. An athlete for whom physical education is more important than physics. Great if your child gets good grades. But please do not deprive them of their self-confidence and dignity, if this does not happen. Tell them that this is normal, that this is just an exam. They are created for much more significant things in life. Tell them that whatever their assessment, you love them and you will not judge them. Please do it – and just watch how they will then conquer the world. One exam or a bad mark will not take away their dreams and talent. And please, do not consider doctors and engineers the only happy people on the planet. With best regards, the director of the school “

Posted in Family and Society, Quotes, Stories Around the World

Seeking the Truth

“Truth is never a straight line; it is a circle that will take you back to what you know, in order to challenge your belief in what is fair, what is real, what is forgivable, what is not and what type of person will you become today now that you know.” Shannon L. Alder

Many a time we are in a state of wondering what are the criterion of declaring the truth. Is it as per the majority or is it based on logical,factual or ethical understanding. In reality, the existence of the truth to self is an abstract measure of perspective of one person that another person might disagree with. What might true at one point of time might be wrong when scrutinized at another point along the time frame. Why do we seek the truth so badly ? Is it to put to rest the rising doubts and questions in the mind? Or is it to seek a code of conduct or rules to live by ? Whatever may the reason be, unless the truth resonates with our thinking and mind frame, we are always in doubt of it.

“It is not the possession of truth, but the success which attends the seeking after it, that enriches the seeker and brings happiness to him.” Max Planck

In our search for the identity of self and finding the certainty of our existence, being true to oneself matters the most. While one piece may not make sense, the jigsaw puzzles put together make the picture whole and complete as well as the concept clear. For time had made truth both objective and subjective as well as relative to absolute, but as long it sets the mind free it is worth the search.

The seeker of truth

After years of searching, the seeker was told to go to a cave, in which he would find a well. ‘Ask the well what is truth’, he was advised, ‘and the well will reveal it to you’. Having found the well, the seeker asked that most fundamental question. And from the depths came the answer, ‘Go to the village crossroad: there you shall find what you are seeking’.Full of hope and anticipation the man ran to the crossroad to find only three rather uninteresting shops. One shop was selling pieces of metal, another sold wood, and thin wires were for sale in the third. Nothing and no one there seemed to have much to do with the revelation of truth.

Disappointed, the seeker returned to the well to demand an explanation, but he was told only, ‘You will understand in the future.’ When the man protested, all he got in return were the echoes of his own shouts. Indignant for having been made a fool of – or so he thought at the time – the seeker continued his wanderings in search of truth. As years went by, the memory of his experience at the well gradually faded until one night, while he was walking in the moonlight, the sound of sitar music caught his attention. It was wonderful music and it was played with great mastery and inspiration. Profoundly moved, the truth seeker felt drawn towards the player. He looked at the fingers dancing over the strings. He became aware of the sitar itself. And then suddenly he exploded in a cry of joyous recognition: the sitar was made out of wires and pieces of metal and wood just like those he had once seen in the three stores and had thought it to be without any particular significance.

At last he understood the message of the well: we have already been given everything we need: our task is to assemble and use it in the appropriate way. Nothing is meaningful so long as we perceive only separate fragments. But as soon as the fragments come together into a synthesis, a new entity emerges, whose nature we could not have foreseen by considering the fragments alone.

Posted in Christian, Life, Reflections, Stories Around the World

Purifying the Silver

One woman studied the Book of Malachi. When she reached the 3rd chapter, she was bewildered by verse 3: “And silver will melt down and purify .” (Malachi 3: 3)
She decided to visit the silversmiths to observe his work. She did not tell the master about the reasons for her interest, speaking out of simple curiosity. When she came to the master, she found him at work. He heated a piece of silver over a fire. He explained to her that in this way silver was purified: it was kept above fire in the hottest part of the flame in order to burn out all impurities. The woman remembered the verse from the book of Malachi and thought that the Lord, as a jeweler, was keeping us in a cleansing fire. She asked:Do you have to sit like that in front of the fire all the time while the silver is being cleaned?
– Yes. And I do not just have to sit and hold silver in the flame, I should not take my eyes off of it: if you hold the metal in the fire, even for a moment, the damage will be irreparable.
The woman thought for a while and asked:And how do you determine the moment when the metal reached the required purity?
He smiled and replied: Oh, it’s simple. As soon as I see my reflection in it.

“Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering…. The love of God did not protect His own Son…. He will not necessarily protect us – not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.” Elisabeth Elliot

Life has its own share of disappointments and triumphs. Yet for many, the scales mayn’t be balanced. Some of us will have more failures, trials and difficulties as compared to others. During those times, it’s easy to lose faith in oneself, God and humanity. During my days like these, the words of prophet Zechariah echo in my mind and give me hope. “In the whole land,” declares the Lord, “two-thirds will be struck down and perish; yet one-third will be left in it. This third I will put into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’ (Zechariah 13:8-9)

Although God tests us under the fire, it’s a refiner’s fire and not a raging inferno. Unlike a forest fire or an incinerator, a refiner’s fire does not consume completely or destroy indiscriminately. It refines, purifies and melts down the bar of silver or gold, separating out the dross that arises on top and burning up the impurities that ruin its value. The remaining molten gold or silver is pure and intact. As a part of being human and its’ fallacies, man tends to lose hope, burn out giving up when the load of troubles increase and failures occur regularly. What God wants us to do is to turn to Him as we are being refined and let Him use the molten pure gold or silver to the form He sees fitting. God always gives us a way out, it may be easy or not. Yet if we put our complete trust and faith in Him, we discover a slit of light giving a ray of hope, which will eventually help us to guide the way out from the mess we were thrown into or landed up because of our own folly. The clause is unless we open our hearts and minds we can never be cast in a mould of His Choice or shaped as per as His Will. 

“Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.” James 1:2-4

Posted in Christian, Life, Quotes, Stories Around the World

Curious not Judgemental

An elderly man with a 25-year-old son entered the train car and took their seats. The young man sat by the window. As soon as the train started moving, he put his hand out the window to feel the flow of air and suddenly shouted in admiration: “Dad, you see, all the trees are coming back!” The older man smiled back. Next to the young man was a married couple. They were a bit confused by the fact that a 25-year-old man behaves like a little child. Suddenly young man again shouted in delight: “Dad, you see the lake and the animals … The clouds go with the train!”  The couple shyly watched the strange behavior of a young man, in which his father did not seem to find anything strange. It began to rain, and raindrops touched the young man’s hand. He again became overwhelmed with joy and closed his eyes. And then he shouted: “Dad, it’s raining, the water touches me! See, Dad ?” Wanting to help with something, the couple sitting next to her asked the elderly man:“ Why won’t you take your son to some clinic for a consultation?” An elderly man replied: “We have just come from the clinic. Today, my son, for the first time in his life, has acquired his sight … ”

It is impossible to judge the affairs and actions of other people without having all the knowledge. Only God possesses the fullness of knowledge. Therefore, “Judge not, that ye be not judged!”

This is an interesting post that I had come across my social pages, although I am not sure about the original author or source. What set me thinking was that, n scenarios similar to the above, was there a better way to frame the question to allay the curiosity. For instance, a more polite way of asking would be, “Isn’t this journey interesting ?” or state “Your son loves train journeys.” If then the father is willing to open up and talk, then it would be fine. Even if that doesn’t happen, by keen observation one can deduce a number of things from any situation.

“Be curious, not judgemental.” Walt Whitman

There is a fine line between curiosity and being judgemental. The latter refers to holding an opinion; decide upon critically; to infer, think or hold as an opinion; conclude about or assess or to act like a judge; passing verbal or mental comments with or without assessing the situation in totality. No one can know about the other, unless each one decides to share their story. For that to happen, we would be able to hear others, once we keep quiet, stop thinking or supposing and listen to their entire narrative.

“If we had no faults of our own, we should not take so much pleasure in noticing those in others and judging their lives as either black or white, good or bad. We all live our lives in shades of gray.”- Shannon L.Alder

As we go about the day, take care to be curious but not assign any opinion, label or be prejudiced in our behaviour without viewing the entire picture. Each time we weigh other in the mental scale, think twice before we start the process. Only when we are weighed in the scale do we realize how much our worth actually weighs against the lives that we lead.

Posted in Life, Personal Musings, Stories Around the World

Aftermath of Ripples

Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix, but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that’s a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect. Rob Reiner

Two men were out on the water in a boat. One of them began drilling in the bottom of the boat, and the other, aghast said “What are you doing? Stop drilling!”. And the first man replied: “It’s all right. I’m only drilling on my side.”

Whether it’s your side or my side, the drilling of the hole affects all the travelers in the boat. This was a forward I had recently received from a friend. There are other versions similar to the above tale, although I believe this was adapted from the parable in the Jewish Midrash Rabbah. The message underlying is that the action of one person whether intentional or not, will affect those around him, either directly or indirectly.

Like the ripples caused by a stone in water, one leads to another till the action wears off. In real life, the ripples caused can have drastic impact, of the good kind and of the dangerous type. An accident, sudden death or harsh words can offset a chain of events that haven’t been predicted or foreseen. While some call it fate, not all events can be grouped under that umbrella. The consequence of our actions at time can be unfathomable. Drunk driving, hit-and-run, speeding, unsupervised work at construction sites are few instances that remind us that our actions impact everyone, not just us.

“Our personal ripple effect is the power of one generating hope and change in others for a better world. Like ripples radiating across the surface of a pond when a pebble is tossed in, kindness is powerful and has far-reaching, positive ramifications that bring about a tremendous sense of joy.” Laurie Buchanan

While we do good, others do benefit and same with the bad. When we try not to cause harm to others by keeping our selfish interests under check, it makes the world a better place to live. In case we forget this important fact, remember very often what goes around comes around as well. After all time doesn’t discriminate.

While it may seem small, the ripple effects of small things is extraordinary. Matt Bevin