Tag: attitude

Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Personal Musings, Quotes, Random Thoughts

Price to “Fit In”

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

When my cousins had recently relocated to the city courtesy of their promotions, the whole bandwagon followed with kids as well as their dogs. Complete with change of residence, there was a change of schools for both the kids. Attending the new junior high was fun for my nephew, but for my niece who had relocated to middle school, it was a different situation. Over long distance calls and chats, the discussion of peer groups as well as cliches came about. Reflecting back on the entire scenario reminded me of my days at college life, wherein the same emotions ran though, that of a new place, new friends as well as the attempts to fit in.

“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.” Mandy Hale

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As each of us shift through the various stages of life, the common thread through the undercurrent of emotions is the desire or longing to belong. Whether the belonging is to a particular person or set of people, a common cause or simply a feeling of being needed; these “belongings” fills a void we perceive is there within us. Although at times, we  think we could but we mayn’t be able to belong at all. When this “belonging” results us in losing our identity, self-worth and feeling of happiness and peace within, it is time to stop, introspect as well as retrospect. If in the course of the “belonging” we lose ourselves, then the outcome may cause significant damaging effect, far beyond the expected.

“Want to know the truth about belonging?
It takes courage to belong.
It takes bravery to show up in your own skin.
It’s easy to fit in.
It’s easy to blend in and hide your outrageousness.
And it’s also the easiest way to lose the precious parts of you.
You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be known for the real deal that you are.
Stop taking the easy way out. Stop trying to fit in.
The best place in life is where you’re already okay.
Come home to you. It’s where you belong.”
Anne Bechard

While belonging is important, losing own identity and principles destroys the comfort of “belonging”. More than fitting in, we all need to be pitch in to better ourselves each day as it comes.

Life is always a learning curve. Yet if the “belonging” results in one losing own essence, it is time to switch tracks to prevent further catastrophe. We “belong” best to ourselves. By being true to own essence, one discovers that by just fitting in, we mayn’t be happy. But by being true and stepping up to own beat makes the difference in each day worth living and fighting for.

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Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Photography Art, poetry, Quotes, Reflections

Reality of Empowerment

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” Charlotte Brontë 

Entering into morning hours of the international day symbolizing the empowerment of women while bringing them to an equal footing with men (especially as far as civic rights are concerned); this day marks the long struggle in breaking down the barriers laid down by the society of then. While this day may or mayn’t be commemorated in a special manner, this day holds a significant meaning.

“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” Coco Chanel

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Empowerment by itself means, “the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.” While this may be used more in terms of social, civic and human rights; there is a bigger spectrum beyond this. While as a child we all dream big, of doing the daring, being adventurous and focusing on our own passions. Somewhere along the line, we loose track of all these and think of the future days on the society that we live of today. In order to provide the daily bread and butter, we often change tracks and off the path. Along the way, most of us may get stuck in the rut; while a few of us may take charge later and do a little of things that we all dreamt to do. Yet there are still some of us, who start off working on our dreams, but along the way the rut deepens and we get stuck again.

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” Steve Maraboli

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Empowerment includes us finding ourselves a way out of the rut. Getting out of the confines of society and seeking own dreams, involves tremendous strength and courage. Our life is more or less like the train on the railway tracks. Some of the destinations are known but unexpected landslides do occur and detours are made. By empowering own-selves and getting around those rocks. makes each of our own views breathtaking and spectacular; than being mere copycats of a kind. While the tracks of the train may be set to prevent the derail; at times finding the smaller routes with due care and caution, gives a view better beyond our wildest imagination.

The Railway Train
by Emily Dickinson

I like to see it lap the miles,
And lick the valleys up,
And stop to feed itself at tanks;
And then, prodigious, step

Around a pile of mountains,
And, supercilious, peer
In shanties by the sides of roads;
And then a quarry pare

To fit its sides, and crawl between,
Complaining all the while
In horrid, hooting stanza;
Then chase itself down hill

And neigh like Boanerges;
Then, punctual as a star,
Stop — docile and omnipotent —
At its own stable door.

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Posted in Personal Musings, poetry, Reflections, Work

Of an endeavor nonpareil

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

The interstate athletics and sports competition during the school years sees plenty of friendly sparring as well determined efforts to be the one to take the trophy home. Seated in the spectator arena and cheering for my nephew from the sidelines brought back memories from my high school days. During the last day of the three day event, my school was tagging along in the third position. Lagging behind, the only way to get the trophy home would be to score gold or silver in the relay, javelin and high jump. The problem was that some were participating in more than one event. The coach with the consent of participants did a quick shuffle with the athlete in their best sport competing alone for that event.

With these changes, some of the reserves were on the front-line for the relay. As the tension was mounting high, each of us gave it all we had, keeping the “will we win” doubting thoughts far from our mind. Towards the end of the day, we did claim the trophy for that year by a very close margin. That feat wouldn’t have been possible if all participants of hadn’t joined forces for the final day.

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” Henry Ford

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Forwarding to the present day, each member of the team has their own special importance as well as role to play. Each link needs to give their best strength for the chain to stay strong. While one aims to give their best in their chosen field, sometimes their shine may be seen in the another scene. While all mayn’t reach the first place, giving their very own best gives a sense of peace and contentment. Being human, we all maybe assailed by regrets at some point of time or the other. Once we learn to give it our best shot in whichever capacity one may be in, one experiences the joy of an effort and work well done. As unpredictable life maybe, enjoying the feeling of inner peace, contentment, confidence and happiness within are few of the best and subtle gifts of life over time.

“If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes.” Andrew Carnegie

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Be the Best of Whatever You Are
Douglas Malloch

If you can’t be a pine on the top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley — but be
The best little scrub by the side of the rill;
Be a bush if you can’t be a tree.

If you can’t be a bush be a bit of the grass,
And some highway happier make;
If you can’t be a muskie then just be a bass —
But the liveliest bass in the lake!

We can’t all be captains, we’ve got to be crew,
There’s something for all of us here,
There’s big work to do, and there’s lesser to do,
And the task you must do is the near.

If you can’t be a highway then just be a trail,
If you can’t be the sun be a star;
It isn’t by size that you win or you fail —
Be the best of whatever you are!

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Posted in Daily, Family and Society, poetry, Random Thoughts

Paint it Silver

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

hile pursuing his studies in law, my cousin had lost his two friends to a freak accident, courtesy of drunk driving. Ten years down the lane, with a promising career and family he was on a happy track in life. Unfortunately taking the temperamental nature of time and fate, he had been the unintended victim of another drunk driving collision in the routine evening hours. By providence, he had gotten away with a fracture, bruises and abrasions; yet the damage cost was substantial. It is in those stark moments that one realizes how fragile life is.

“There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have the feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well.” Nicholas Sparks

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When things are really looking up for some of us, there may be a sudden boom and crash. The sequence of negative events may leave a drastic impact and can result in a downward spiral. It is in those falls, that one must learn to recoup and brace oneself to minimize the damaging sudden impact. In those depressing moments, one must learn to paint their own silver lining.

As the darkness ebbs away, the light of the silver will shine through for the better days. Just by squaring our shoulders and facing the difficult days with a strong, courage, stubborn will and strength will pave way for an inner warmth. Whether “the better tomorrows” may be in near vicinity or not, one may never know. Yet what one can do, would be to brighten their own dark days and bring out an inner smile for the day.

“It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.” George Harrison

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The Vow

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

– By Malcolm O. Varner

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Posted in Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Photography Art, Quotes, Stories Around the World, Work

Standing Strong

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

One of the longest suspension bridges of those days, this hybrid cable-stayed or suspension bridge; it was opened on May 24, 1883 to be the first fixed crossing over the East River, connecting the boroughs of Manhattan and Brooklyn. Renamed to Brooklyn Bridge (1915), proposals for this bridge were made in the early 19th century with the design plan initiated by architect John A. Roebling a famed canal engineer and bridge designer, completed by his son Washington A. Roebling. In those times, the initial design plans were considered to be a feat highly improbable to be accomplished. Yet applying the concepts of the known studies into practice in the modernization process, use of the wire-rope concept, suspension principles, anchorages and caissons.

“This is the vocation of our own and of every age: to grasp the knowledge that already exists, to make it our own, and in so doing to develop it further and raise it to a higher level; in thus appropriating it to ourselves we make it something different than it was before.” Georg Friedrich Wilhelm Hegel (1770-1831)

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During during the initial surveys, an accident saw the amputation of Jon A. Roebling’s crushed toes, resulting in a tetanus infection leaving him in incapacitated and untimely death (June-July, 1869). As his son, Washington A. Roebling took over the project, the construction of the bridge continued and several improvements were made on the bridge design and the building of the two large pneumatic caissons which became the foundation of the two towers. Unfortunately a fire onsite (1870) in one of the pneumatic caissons caused him to suffer from decompression sickness, severely affecting his health and rendering him unable to move, talk or even visit the site.

Determined to continue the project, he had developed a code of communication with his wife using the only finger that he could move and tapping out the instructions against her arm. As for his wife, Emily Warren Roebling, she taught herself bridge construction, continued the day-to-day supervision and project management among other duties of the chief engineer. As recorded in McCullough’s The Great Bridge (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1972) that “nowhere in the history of great undertakings is there anything comparable” to Roebling conducting the largest and most difficult engineering project ever “in absentia.”

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” Arnold Schwarzenegger

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Over the years, undergoing subtle changes and renovations, the Brooklyn Bridge still stands tall, a witness to exemplary will, strength and belief in ow dream, even in the face of strenuous hardship and hurdles. This great bridge recounts one of the most inspiring tales of motivation, perseverance and determination to own up their dream and make them come true.

In the face of repeated roadblocks, both father, son and his wife never gave up their dream. Though adversaries were rampant, they still found a way around it and completed one of the most finest structures in architecture, laying down a strong bind to the infrastructure that helped the economy flourish.

Each of us have our own set of snags as we set about a project. While some may be on a physical level, others may be at the personal front, or psychological or emotional extent. Facing all these impediments, one must always keep their true dream close to their heart. Where one can get support, take help. To know own strengths through struggles takes immense courage and iron will to stay on course and make sure it happens. As long as one thinks, plans, moves ahead, knows and firmly believes that one can do it, one will.

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Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Personal Musings, Stories Around the World, Work

Maintain the “Equipoise”

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

While entering work, there was a new notice at the bulletin next to the elevator. It was a new poster based on Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Four Agreements”. With the elevator still stuck on the top floors and time on my hands, a quick run through the words of these agreements provided a fresh perspective.

“Every human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art.” Don Miguel Ruiz

On detailed reading and review of the poster resulted in one accepting the beauty of the words. While these work agreements may help to pave a better work place scenario, when practised in the true spirit, they aid one to stay happy within.

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There are endless encounters with people in our daily lives. On some days, it may be a few, on other days it may be a lot many. Yet all these contacts leave an impression in the mind of which some may be happy, some give off a feel of kindness or at times, a negative vibe around each experience. Yet when one tends to brood over and feed on the negative vibe more, the inner peace gets lost.

“I am content; that is a blessing greater than riches; and he to whom that is given need ask no more.” Henry Fielding

By keeping the humanness in our basic interactions; more than the positive impact left, it is the feeling of happiness and contentment within that leaves one in peace. Every hour of our lives has a lot to offer. Time is never predictable, neither is the chance to experience the joy of living. If the inner balance is upset, efforts must be made to regain it. Those efforts always start from within. For to to be in harmony with the inner self, is a gift of Grace in itself.

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Be impeccable with your word. “Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”

Don’t make assumptions. “Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”

Don’t take anything personally. “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

Always do your best. “Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.”

Source: Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (1997)

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Posted in Daily, Personal Musings, Quotes, Random Thoughts

Beyond the Wish

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.” Oprah Winfrey

When an invitation for an evening performance of classical music and dance had landed in the mail, it perked my interest. One reason being that in the digital age, almost everything is through email or phone messaging applications. The second reason was that why the mail to the residential address. On reading the entire programme detials, the name of one the dancers being familiar lead to the call home. The confirmation of the details came as a shocker. Yes, my fifty plus year old cousin who runs a boutique, children at university has decided to fulfill her childhood dream of performing a classical dance. The entire preparation was kept as a surprise.

“When you’re not sure if you’re following the right path, when you’ve been knocked down a few too many times, it’s completely fine to get discouraged, hell even defeated. What’s not okay is to stop.” Gary John Bishop

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Age never as a limit on our dreams, neither has time. During childhood, all of us may have wanted to do that one art or hobby; but were constrained by limitations of time, academics, co-curricular or other priorities. Yet as the age matures and responsibilities change, it is up to one self to make he cherished dreams or desires happen, if feasible. It takes courage to do something new, especially when the world around as well as society put plenty of tags and labels. The truth is it all lies in oneself. If had wanted to do something with great desire from within, follow up on that dream and make it happen. For one can never be too late to fulfill own dreams, no matter how much the time or the age flies.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” Francis Scott Fitzgerald

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