Posted in Life, Personal Musings, poetry, Reflections

The Flashes, the Pain and the Past

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.” Haruki Murakami

Waiting in the queue for a break in the traffic, the eyes had wandered over to the playground where a couple of teens were busy with their mock football match at one end. At the far end, a few were playing throw-ball. In the midst of the latter game, a heated argument followed by a flurry of fists resulting in two players walking off. Seeing these scenes triggered off the memory of the middle school wherein peer gangs were rampant and gangs were the norm. Selection for sports as well as arts revolved around the factor of being in the know or the select few. If a art geek decided to enroll for the selection in the softball team, putting the name down would be like writing in the water and similar for a football defender who liked to indulge their culinary urge. Watching my nieces and nephews as they go through their middle school, the bite of those yesteryear still sting but lessons learnt were valuable for life.

“Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.” Richard Kadrey

All of us have our cache of “bad memories”. Some we tend to carry along through the childhood to the adult phase. While others we may bury them, only that they tend to surface intermittently especially when least expected. There are those days that no matter how hard one tries, they gray clouds linger and cast shadows in the mind. 

“I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance.” Beryl Markham

Dealing with those harsh memories requires one to acknowledge it, accept it and make the stern choice to move on. To forget them may be really difficult, but learning to deal with them is a must. Those cliches and gangs of middle school still exist in the adult world, albeit in a more subtle manner. The choice is to learn and then move on. Getting trapped in one phase for long, results in the soul being frozen by the rampant thoughts. While one can’t do anything about the passed years, the reaction and choice of the present lies in own hands and how deals with the circumstances. As the bad moments crowd, the purpose of the present would be to make new memories suffused with warmth, joy and laughter to live the hours of now as well as tide over the future.

Memory

Memory engulfed so much evil,
without a count or bounds.
All the time life lied and lied,
there is no more trust in life.

Maybe, there are no cities,
maybe no green gardens,
just lives instead the power of ice,
and the salted oceans.

Maybe, the world is just all snow,
and a starlit road.
Maybe the world is all taiga
in the mind of God.

Varlim Shalimov

Posted in Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, poetry

Beyond the Logic

Drawing up plans for constructing a new house, my maternal cousins had asked for an appointment for the leading architect in the city to draw up their plans. Imagine their surprise post-consultation, that there was a common element of family connections. As they had dropped in for dinner with their plans, in the due course of discussion, their architect was one of my distant paternal cousins who had decided to break from the family business to follow his dream. Recalling the earlier days, we both had attended the same high school and his passion for art and drawing was simply amazing. On choosing the main subjects for college, it took plenty of inner strength and courage to go away from the regular choices and plan a new path.

“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” Roy T. Bennett

Each of us may have seen similar episodes or events in our lives. From the days of high school to the present day, there will those among us who decide to pursue their dream. Each of us, too may had similar dreams but were held back by the voices either in our head, or echoing around us. Those who go against those voices may reach their dream eventually, either now or later. As for the others, there may be a sense of regrets that may follow. And worse of all, the guilt of “not trying” and “missed chances” makes things difficult all round.

“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.” Judith McNaught

Unless one tries, one will never know. While the odds mayn’t be in own favour the first time round, keep the drive and inner will. For one day, we will reach the skies in the dreams that we hold true to ourselves. The choice to follow the inner dream lies within. Barring aside the logic, possibilities or probabilities, the most important and main factor is the choice to try. On looking back, that alone makes the biggest difference in all.

Rise Above The Crowd
by Anonymous
The world is full of people,
content to be what they are
Who never know the joy of success;
they lack the will to go that far.

Yet in this world there is a need,
for some to lead the rest
To rise above the average life,
by giving of their best.

Are you the one who dares,
to try when challenged by the task
To rise to heights you’ve never dreamed,
Or is that too much to ask?

This can be your year,
for great purpose to achieve
If you accept the challenge,
and in yourself believe.

Posted in Christian, Daily, Life, Personal Musings, Reflections

Shelter when Lost

While going for a walk with a rambunctious pet, getting caught in the wet fury of the nature and her elements was an unplanned and unprecedented event. Scrambling for a cover, it was a blessing to find the shelter in the barn. As the flashes of lightning began and the pounding of the rain increased in full measure; while the fortunate ones may have escaped the fury by Providence or His Grace, the reality that there may be many others who had been caught unawares would be drenched and soaked by now makes one feel blessed in the present circumstances.

“When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.” (Exodus 33:22)

Every now and then, in our lives, one may reach certain points or stand stills wherein the tempest roars strong crushing the spirit both in the physical, mental and emotional sense. In those moments, all one longs is a brief respite, a form of shelter to regroup and regain the inner strength. That respite is found when under His Shelter. As experienced by the wayfarers, the gift of peace and shelter in His Wings had no precedent or parallel.

Echoing the opening lines of the hymn “Rock of Ages,” with its opening lines, “Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee ”; the saving grace and mercy of God is such that His Presence will be with each one of us, helping us find refuge in Him at all times and on all occasions. As we experience and battle the unexpected furor or unprecedented upheavals, seeking the shelter of a temporary respite in His Hands helps us find our way back home.

Posted in Christian, Life, Personal Musings, poetry, Random Thoughts

Setting the Clock Right

Before closing for the weekend, there was a final briefing to plan the schedule for the following week. With a quick glance at the clock, the briefing had started. With a quick glance at the clock, the briefing had started. After the set of instructions said and a slew of ideas discussed, the hands of the clock hadn’t progressed. Or in other words, the clock on the wall was dead.

Each one of us have our own internal clocks, ranging from the physical, mental and the spiritual type. While the former may get it’s due share through workout sessions, balance of the diet scales and taking the stress free zone; it is the latter that at times, needs a push. The human nature needs to maintain it’s innate balance by engaging the emotional, mental and spiritual aspect. When those clocks aren’t wound properly they may fail to function in synchronous with the remaining aspects of human life, creating a chaos within. Each sphere of our life needs help to function properly. By constant prayer, faith and belief in His Word, there would be help to restart our clock when it ceases to function properly. For everything goes as per His Time.

“And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.” (Genesis 28:15)

A Boy and His Watchmaker

This watch my father did on me bestow,
A golden one it is, but ’twill not go,
Unless it be at an uncertainty:
But as good none as one to tell a lie.
When ’tis high day my hand will stand at nine;
I think there’s no man’s watch so bad as mine.
Sometimes ’tis sullen, ’twill not go at all,
And yet ’twas never broke nor had a fall.

Watchmaker.

Your watch, though it be good, through want of skill
May fail to do according to your will.
Suppose the balance, wheels, and springs be good,
And all things else, unless you understood
To manage it, as watches ought to be,
Your watch will still be at uncertainty.
Come, tell me, do you keep it from the dust,
Yea, wind it also duly up you must?
Take heed, too, that you do not strain the spring;
You must be circumspect in every thing,
Or else your watch, were it as good again,
Would not with time and tide you entertain.

Comparison.

This boy an emblem is of a convert,
His watch of the work of grace within his heart,
The watchmaker is Jesus Christ our Lord,
His counsel, the directions of his Word;
Then convert, if thy heart be out of frame,
Of this watchmaker learn to mend the same.
Do not lay ope’ thy heart to worldly dust,
Nor let thy graces over-grow with rust,
Be oft’ renewed in the’ spirit of thy mind,
Or else uncertain thou thy watch wilt find.
-John Bunyan

Posted in Life, Personal Musings, poetry, Random Thoughts

Myriad Shades of Nature

“I think that to one in sympathy with nature, each season, in turn, seems the loveliest.” Mark Twain

An unexpected fill in for an outstation workshop had resulted in the journey to the city of my high school days, one of my Alma maters. Landing at the airport, with the cold winds and temperatures dropping down fast, the journey had caught me unawares especially as the winter winds had long left my residence towards the first month of the year. Acclimatizing to the sudden change makes one realize the manifold faces of nature.

“In Ohio seasons are theatrical. Each one enters like a prima donna, convinced its performance is the reason the world has people in it.” Toni Morrison

Like the sudden change of the winds, so does the emotions and complexity of those moments. Experiences in life bring forth the faces of emotions from within. From the quiet feelings of contentment to blooming happiness as the uneasiness, anger and fury at difficult situations, life takes one on a myriad of emotions similar to the roller coaster ride of nature. One needs all the bad to feel the beauty of the good. Like the pristine winter white can echo the contentment as well as loneliness, so does the fledgling spring echo the new life in the bleak canvas as well the blistering heat of summer which bring out the joy of outdoors to the prequel of the rains of autumns cold but leave a touch of colour when there. One needs them all to feel complete. For contentment doesn’t come when we have the best of the best, but learn to appreciate the present in the midst of the worst.

The Human Seasons

Four Seasons fill the measure of the year;
There are four seasons in the mind of man:
He has his lusty Spring, when fancy clear
Takes in all beauty with an easy span:
He has his Summer, when luxuriously
Spring’s honied cud of youthful thought he loves
To ruminate, and by such dreaming high
Is nearest unto heaven: quiet coves
His soul has in its Autumn, when his wings
He furleth close; contented so to look
On mists in idleness–to let fair things
Pass by unheeded as a threshold brook.
He has his Winter too of pale misfeature,
Or else he would forego his mortal nature.

John Keats

Posted in Christian, Daily, Family and Society, Personal Musings, Quotes, Random Thoughts

Stars in the Dark

Helping out my niece with their science assignment, we had rigged up a makeshift primitive telescope to take the pictures of the night sky. The purpose was to either get a constellation or two in full focus or click a shooting star. As the project was underway, the beauty of the night sky was something to reckon with. All the twinkling lights reminded of the bright points scattered across the vast dark canvas.

Looking at one of the many mysteries of nature and gifts of life, one often feels the awe and magnificence in His Works. Though at times, unbidden thoughts enter the mind, especially during the trying days, of “Why me?”and as the feeling of helplessness overwhelms; it is the faith in the hope of a better day tomorrow that helps one survive.

Faith is a bluebird you see from afar.
It’s for real, and as true as the first evening star.
You can’t touch it, or buy it, or wrap it up tight;
But it’s there just the same, making things turn out right.
– Rufus Wainwright (The Rescuers, 1977)

Faith is the anchor in the unbidden thoughts of negativity, self-doubt, depressive or defeated nature, which often occur every now and then. Getting out across these boulders and pits, requires something as simple but deeply profound as faith. Days like those which promote the negativism can be shot down by the Faith one holds deep inside.

“Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.” Oswald Chambers

One can’t possibly get everything figured out. There are things that happen, either in a single moment or as a sequence of events; that mayn’t be explained by simple logic or by own understanding. During those standstill moments, it is the inner Faith that helps us find a way to get to the light of tomorrow. And the more when one is thrown off the deep edge, devoid of the understanding why; the more one can deepen their Faith in the glory of His Way, His Will and His Word. Life never makes sense, but by faith in the hope that things will eventually work out, difficulties are crossed out, trouble overcome and the inner spirit strengthened making the present livable. For one day in the future, these days of the past will be acknowledged for their way in them making our Faith stronger in Him and helping one to reach those better days of the tomorrow.

Posted in Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, poetry, Reflections

On the Canvas

“Real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present.” Albert Camus (Notebooks 1935-1942)

One of the best things about entertaining a group of toddlers, is their spontaneity. Following their flow of energy, children are more keen on dwelling in the “now”. What about the adult “nows”? More or less, they do happen more in the professional sphere than the personal zone. Eventually some “now” never happens, neither does “the later”.

As each of us “adult” reserve their time and energy for the tomorrow, those proposed plans mayn’t happen. Time has it’s own flow. At times the tomorrows may work out, at times it mayn’t be so. If it was done at the “now” of then, then maybe it would be have happened or done only. Time has and always will be contrary. Sometimes as the toddlers say “let’s play tent” or “play with us” maybe some of the most precious memories made as one unwinds from work than catching up with “the telly”.

“It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.” George Harrison

Time has a beginning and ending, but those moments in between are what fills up the blank canvas. It may be filled by phases of dark hues, spots of brightness scattered in the dark template or hues of varying colours depending on own choice. As one decides on how the space on the canvas needs to be made so for the future days, take care that the spaces of now don’t go void.

Hymn to Time

Time says “Let there be”
every moment and instantly
there is space and the radiance
of each bright galaxy.

And eyes beholding radiance.
And the gnats’ flickering dance.
And the seas’ expanse.
And death, and chance.

Time makes room
for going and coming home
and in time’s womb
begins all ending.

Time is being and being
time, it is all one thing,
the shining, the seeing,
the dark abounding.

Ursula K. Le Guin (1929-2018)
(From Late in the Day: Poems 2010-2014 (PM Press, 2015). Copyright © 2015 by Ursula K. Le Guin.).