relationships – Page 13 – Sugar And Spice… Among Other Things

Daily, Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Quotes, Stories Around the World, Work

Communication Fillers and Gaps

Posted on April 25, 2019February 8, 2019 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” George Bernard Shaw

One of the recently circulated video on my social network pages, shows a social experiment in which four queues of employees are made to stand, with a message being conveyed as a sequence of actions likened to starting a motorbike. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH_7F3KI8yg)

Unfortunately as the message, in the form of sequence of actions, were passed on, minor alterations were being added on, which eventually resulted in the last person of the queue mimicking the actions that were no where close to the initial sequence or message that the first person had initiated. Although the video may seem hilarious at the end, on reflecting later, the lack of communication as well as the errors in the message being conveyed, understood and repeated are alarming.

“Communication – the human connection – is the key to personal and career success.” Paul J. Meyer

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

At every walk in life, communication is what brings man apart from other living species. Knowing how to convey ideas, bring about changes as well discuss and share various aspects makes human life meaningful, interesting and enriched. Yet when thoughts are shared wrong, with each one modifying the truth as per one’s short-lived understanding, thinking or viewpoint, the real sequence of events gets distorted, destroying the harmony and peaceful thinking.

Source:https://vk.com/we_live_a

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Peter Drucker

Each time we come across any information, words or actions, thinking about them before e repeat them elsewhere would go a long way in maintaining one’s own peace and harmony. The process of adding one’s own bit to the real sequence of events, when not understood the right way, can do significant harm than plausible.

Source:https://vk.com/englisharoundtheworld

Family and Society, Personal Musings, Quotes, Stories Around the World

To Care and Nurture

Posted on April 24, 2019February 1, 2019 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.” Margaret Mead

During my early years of university, attending classes and taking care of my infant was difficult. Unwilling to put my infant son in a daycare so early, I had turned to my parents and in laws for help. Besides stepping in completely and covering during my classes and training schedules, as my child grew under their care; their happiness and joy were marked to be seen.

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” James Keller

Source:https://vk.com/veruj

Source:https://vk.com/monahos

One of the oldest concepts of family has been their since civilization. Besides belonging to a fold, family helps and takes care of each other. The sociological concept of “nurture” has been widely studied and debated with the “nature” concept. Real life examples are present in our daily encounters, once we look around and observe.

“To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.”
Unknown

Caring for someone or nurturing them helps not the nurtured but also the nurturer. Besides giving new dimensions to focus on, the health, happiness as well as life for both becomes more meaningful and joyous. On the days that one in bone-tired, dejected, weary and worried; taking care of someone decreases the problems and gives the fuel to move on. Caring for others brings many closer, not just relationships by blood but also fragile relationships which become stronger out of the mutual love, respect and care for the other.

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

“I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.” Pablo Casals

An old fox lived its’ last days in the zoo. Old, decrepit and shabby. When a couple of young foxes were left without their mother. And the young foxes were hooked to the old fox, as they were left without a mother. The decrepit fox began to take care of the little ones. The caring instincts were involved. And the old fox became younger, fluffy and energetic. She gained new youth and health; lived very well for several years, until the foxes grew up and became independent. (Source: A.Kiryanova)

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Source: https://vk.com/public138314547

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Daily, Personal Musings, Quotes, Reflections

To Allow Ourselves

Posted on April 19, 2019February 1, 2019 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

One of the persistent feelings that runs down every couple of months is the “feeling of being trapped, compressed and stuck” into something that we want not to be a part of. In those occasions certain gentle reminders will help us get back into the grove of being content and at peace with ourselves.

“The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself.” Lao Tzu

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Source:https://vk.com/we_live_a

Let ourselves to be wrong once in a while. It doesn’t really matter what others think about what we know or don’t, or what we said or didn’t. For the record, mistakes happen to all. No one can be truly accurate or right in their known field or what others expect us to know. No can be the “knowledge holder” of everything. At times, we tend to go wrong and so be it.

Once in a while, get out of the rush. Do make a slight change in the daily routine. Routines are lovely for they set things going and offer least surprises and roadblocks. Yet every now and then, break out, set a change and be surprised.

Hold the thoughts, words and anger when sorely tried. Try to allow ourselves to not respond to provocations. Certain things or events once done, can’t be easily undone, deleted or reversed. The impact and consequences may be near or in the future. Once damaged, not everything can be reset. Why then attempt to test those waters, when one knows that sharks will bite.

“To help yourself, you must be yourself. Be the best that you can be. When you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up and move on.” Dave Pelzer

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Avoid the trend to not make excuses, neither do anything to prove ourselves or when strongly persuaded. Regret is time lost. Once the sequence of events are set in motion, regret then or later will not revert the sequence or consequence.

Allow ourselves to let go and walk away. Step aside, away from those who are in the way or from those who resent us for the sake of it. Actions sidestepped are better for the peace. Even if we initiate the side step; more than the ego being trampled on, the mind will be at ease.

Being different is alright and fine. One doesn’t have try to fit into any categories, frames, stereotypes, typologies and types. Neither does one have to justify the expectations set by others. At the end of the day, we have to be comfortable in our own skin and mould.

Try not to run ahead or behind. Be at par with the speed of life and time. Just don’t run. At times, waiting for the train till it comes at the right station crossing or turn may be better to start going in the right direction again.

Above all, allow ourselves to be just ourselves.

“Be yourself, but always your better self.” Karl G. Maeser

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Christian, Daily, Family and Society, Life, Quotes, Reflections, Work

Dealing With that Itch

Posted on April 17, 2019January 29, 2019 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

With spring season around and evening walks are in the to-do list, one may have encountered the occasional sting or bite when on or after the walk. When the mosquito bites or insect stings, the deadly red mark starts forming in the skin. There are few distinct pictures that follow. First the yell or howl, followed by the distinct smack (almost always missing the culprit) with the application of a balm to soothe the pain. Left alone, the bite slowly settles and passes after a while. On the other hand, once the sting appears and one enters the itch mode, then the bite is extensively combed, scratched and the blister (in the place of the little red spot) is born. Consequently the sting stays, the irritation grows and the pain doesn’t recede. Worse is the infection and the bleeding that then follows. Being a parent to a toddler, one must be familiar with this cycle.

“Without forgiveness life is governed by… an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” Roberto Assagioli

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Yet what is familiar, is the “feeling of the itch” is something similar to resentment. How we deal with resentment falls into similar patterns of an insect bite. Resented when treated in the right manner, ceases to sting; but when scratched, makes the whole mood go down. When dealt with an insult; if one tries to forgive and forget it, then it gradually goes out of the hearts. On self -dissecting it and chronic dwelling on it similar to self-persecution or self-pity; then the insult becomes stronger and deadlier.

“Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.” Dale Carnegie

Source:https://vk.com/we_live_a

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Dealing with offense is not easy. True that we must reflect on the events that had happened and words or actions exchanged. But one doesn’t have to mark it against oneself and fester it, to the point of destroying the self. Instead hand over those feelings to the wind, for then we become more wiser and gracious. For when things are left to His Will, life becomes more sweet and simple. This is a very good skill that is learned over the course of time.

“Let go of resentment for it will hold you back. Do not worry about what could have been, what is to come is what matters.” Leon Brown

Take the burden that we can handle and the rest, hand them over to Him and let His Will be done. The same with resentment. Yes one was offended but one doesn’t have to carry it around and ruin the only life that we have been blessed with. Let things figure out eventually in His Time and then we discover that what was felt big, bad and ugly initially will seem inconsequential in the long run in His Time.

“The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.” Elbert Hubbard

Source:https://vk.com/public138314547

Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Random Thoughts, Reflections

Paradoxes of Time

Posted on April 15, 2019February 15, 2019 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Silentium est aureum”

Over the weekend, with the entire family in the neighbourhood; it was quite refreshing and entertaining to exchange the various events, stories and happenings over the past few months. Listening to my cousins as they had regaled us the best parts of their college life; it brought back the memories of the younger days. From the days of classes, fun, music, dance, parties, sleepovers and all nighters to the present day of work, colleagues, time schedules, planners, pending household work and rambunctious toddlers running around the house; brings to mind the sharp contrast between the two lives. While in the younger days one had longed for the company of friends and fun; the older we grow, one longs for the occasional or frequent peace, quiet and solitude for a while. As the famous Latin proverb goes; Silence is indeed golden.

Source:https://vk.com/pub_mdma

“We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.” Nicholas Sparks

Time has a huge list of paradoxes. Remember the younger days of sleep overs, gate crashing parties, Goobers, lemonade sprees, stuffing one self with kachoris, pizzas and the long list of the “forbidden” as well as movie nights over the weekends. These days, although one has the freedom to enjoy food, friends, parties, music and entertainment to the maximum, without the constant nagging and laying down of the rules; when in excess life feels mundane.

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Over time, as our personal trends, habits and favorites change, alter or get refined; certain relationships tend to get overlooked. The ships that once had anchored us, may be lost due to bad navigation or the storms that we encounter. One might put them down to “growing up” or the transition phase. Unfortunately when caught up in the silence later; the feeling of guilt, regret and remorse run through as common thread leaving behind fond memories laced with guilt.

“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.” Frances Hodgson Burnett

To not let the set-down of remorse, guilt and incompleteness happen, one has to only look around and view the world from far. To enjoy the pleasures of nature, we need both the new and the old. The presence of the ever present flowers, plants and the green with comfort of our friends, family and good shoes making our walk through life more comfortable and memorable. To enjoy the garden, one needs both company and solace at the right time. Learning to put the situation to use at the given time is one of the arts that life has taught us and will keep on teaching us through its’ own time.

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Photography Art, Reflections, Stories Around the World, Work

Stepping Out of the Game

Posted on April 10, 2019January 25, 2019 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.” John Burroughs

There lived two families in the neighborhood. In one family there was silence and grace, while in the second there were endless quarrels, showdowns etc. And then one day the wife said to her husband, “Why don’t you find out how they next door, turn out to live without scandals.” The husband went and hid behind their common fence and watched. As the neighbor washes the threshold, a bucket of water stands next to her and then her husband walked. Inadvertently he hooked his foot on the bucket and overturned it. “Well, it will start now,” thinks the neighbor behind the fence. Instead he heard the wife as she apologized to her husband that she had put a bucket of water in the way. And her husband also apologized to her for he had walked without looking and also added work to his beloved. In general, they apologized to each other, cleaned up everything together and went into the house. And the hapless neighbor came home in bewilderment and told his wife: “You know, my wife it is strange, we try to do everything right and have endless scandals, whereas they are both to blame and everything is amicable”.

“At the end of the day, you are solely responsible for your success and your failure. And the sooner you realize that, you accept that, and integrate that into your work ethic, you will start being successful. As long as you blame others for the reason you aren’t where you want to be, you will always be a failure.” Erin Cummings

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Famously and colloquially known as “the blame game”, we all have been a part of it at some point in our life. From the high school days of incomplete assignment, low grades or addled performances to the college or university days, leading on to the work front; assigning of blame to someone else’s shoulders have been done consciously or subconsciously.

“Everyone’s quick to blame the alien.” Aeschylus

Like the spider’s web, once we get caught in this game; we tend to apply the same tactics in all the spheres of our life. Consequently the price paid is heavy, for not just effort but energy, work, relationships and above all, time is wasted. To get the trend down, a few quick steps would aid in sorting out and settling the mess.

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

“No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for… reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration.” Casey Stengel

When stuck in the mess or being falsely targeted for the work; first take a deep breath. Second were we in any way wrong, either while doing the task or assigning the task. If yes, take corrective measures; if not, still the option is to settle the scene and correct the wrong. Third and very practical of all, let bygones be bygones. Learn form the past, but don’t dwell too much on it, to spoil the pleasant surprises of the future.

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy.” Henry Ford

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Source:https://vk.com/public138314547

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Quotes, Stories Around the World

To Just Stay

Posted on April 7, 2019February 21, 2019 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” Maya Angelou

One of the reasons’ why man needs his social surroundings be it family, friends or community is largely based on his ability to love and be loved. Here the aspect of love doesn’t focus solely on the relationship between two people, but between a network of people whose happiness are directly or indirectly influenced and dependent on the other. For “love” encompasses kindness, understanding, mutual respect, forgiveness and empathy.

“Love is a friendship set to music.” Joseph Campbell

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Source:https://vk.com/welive_a

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

One never realizes the intricate role that he or she may play in the life of the other. While it may seem trivial or a passing touch for one, it drastically change the life for the other. Learning to be gracious and kind is one of the facets of love. Love isn’t simply declared by showering of gifts, spending time with only those one knows or granting favours sometimes beyond one’s reach. Love also includes just being there and listening.

“The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” Albert Ellis

Source:https://vk.com/monahos

While doing the preparatory lessons on the aspect of biblical love, I had read an encounter based on events in the hospital room of a retired service man. What struck my mind on reading “Love Stays” was the fact that “human love” for the fellow being goes beyond boundaries, imagination and guidelines set by man. Even though for one it may be trivial and require very little effort and time on their part, for the other it would be a life changing moment. Choosing to spend our time with love, kindness and empathy would go a long way, especially when one knows that life has a boomerang effect, when we least expect it.

“And now these three abide: faith, hope, love; but love is more of them.”
(1 Corinthians 13:13)

Source:https://vk.com/monahos

Love Stays

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside. “Your son is here,” she said to the old man. She had to repeat the words several times before the patient’s eyes opened. Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man’s limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement. The nurse brought a chair so that the marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night, the young marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man’s hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile. He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital – the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.
Now and then, she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night. Along towards dawn, the old man died. The marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited. Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her. “Who was that man?” he asked. The nurse was startled, “He was your father,” she answered. “No, he wasn’t,” the marine replied. “I never saw him before in my life.”
“Then why didn’t you say something when I took you to him?”
“I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn’t here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed.”
The next time someone needs you … just be there. Stay.

Note: This is not a true story, but an incredible work of fiction written by Roy Popkin in 1964. It was published under the title “Night Watch” in the September 1965 edition of Reader’s Digest. Due to its highly emotional pull, the story has been re-circulated online since the 1990s under a variety of titles such as “Just Stay” and “He Needed a Son.”

“Everyone has a purpose in life and a unique talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals.” Kallam Anji Reddy