relationships – Page 17 – Sugar And Spice… Among Other Things

Daily, Family and Society, Life, Quotes, Reflections

Screen “Timed”

Posted on January 31, 2019November 16, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

The other day, my colleague and I were sitting at a cafe during our break hours. While enjoying our coffee, it was interesting to note that couples or groups at various tables were mostly on their phones. In the case of singlets, I would be able to understand but for couples to be mostly on phones felt strange. Late that day, during my drive back to home, the similar situations were seen among the students waiting for or on the bus, passengers on the bus, at the grocers’ – everyone were on their “screen time mode” be it phones, iPads or tablets. The question that popped in my mind was “how much of screen time do we attend to each day ?”

The sad fact is we all live in our screens. Trips are taken to showcase photos as proof of fun, not vice versa. If one disagrees, then why do we cram up so much sights in one day to see when we go on a break instead of enjoying each hour that we spend.

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Sometimes you have to disconnect to stay connected. Remember the old days when you had eye contact during a conversation? When everyone wasn’t looking down at a device in their hands? We’ve become so focused on that tiny screen that we forget the big picture, the people right in front of us. Regina Brett

Screen time has cost us our ability to talk. We lack communication primarily, because we are too busy staring at the screens, or tired from staring at the screen all day or we are too caught up on thinking about what is happening on the screen. Each one of us have our own coat of interests, acquaintances offline and online, yet when they interfere with our social bonding, family ties, relationships and health; its’ time to re-evaluate.

The drawback of modern communication is that we “message, chat or pictorize” but we don’t communicate or really know how one is feeling or understand and listen to each other. Consequently we lose out on real love, kinship and bonds; instead we get swamped by bouts or periods of loneliness, inattention, superficiality and emptiness. There are many instances in families, communities or campuses, where individuals live under the same roof but know squat about each other. Privacy should be respected, but knowing basics of whether you like tea or coffee, vegan or not, healthy or unwell, address or one’s dislikes and likes is essential to forge and maintain bonds.

Source:https://vk.com/we_live_a

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

“It’s not just about limiting screen time; it’s about teaching kids to develop good habits in real life As well as managing their screen time.” Cynthia Crossley

The worst hit from excessive screen time are families. They live together but sit in their gadgets, completely oblivious to each other speaking “different languages”. Parents and children forget to talk to each other. There are exchange of words but no connection, intimacy, enjoyment or relaxation to just be together. “The key is to teach them how to be safe with technology, because ultimately, we want our children to be in charge of technology, rather than feeling technology is in charge of them,” as said by Elaine Halligan, London director of The Parent Practice

Knowing to delegate screen time is necessary, as each year in life happens only once. Adults can’t relive their childhood years like their children. Each one will grow up quickly and time will fly. Kids will grow up quickly, and we will not be able to sit with them, read books or just have some fun. We adults might find it late to spend time with someone dear, because life in general is lived quickly. We need to distribute our time to one another. When “screen time” becomes “screen life”, its’ time to change before we too get swiped by a tap.

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Source:https://vk.com/pub_mdma

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Daily, Family and Society, Life, Reflections

Converse to Communicate

Posted on January 25, 2019November 14, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory. Emily Post

In our day-to-day life, we come across many people of different personality types, various behaviours or views, and going through their individual set of emotions at the various phases in their lives. Yet a common thread running through all the people we meet either at work, neighbourhood or market is conversation. The latter can range from being a casual nod to a simple greeting of “Hello, How do you do ?” or talk of the weather, politics (regional to global), work and the daily happenings.

A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That’s why there are so few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet. Truman Capote

https://vk.com/monahos

Unfortunately not all of us can strike a conversation at the right time or a fruitful one which doesn’t end up in a war of words or ideas. This art has come to a point where social messaging and screen talk leaves one more comfortable than being engaged in a face-to-face conversations. The sad fact is real communication doesn’t grow from written words but meaningful exchange of words, ideas, thoughts, expressions and emotions.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. George Bernard Shaw

Yet when conversing makes us uneasy, tactless, upset or bored to the point of losing people, breaking relationships and friendships; it is time to introspect and sift through the mind to find out what went wrong. There are a few tips that I often find helpful when discoursing with others.

1. When you know something, but not asked; it helps to keep quiet and listen.
2. When you are at the receiving end of a talk, learn to be silent to listen. Two can’t talk at once for no one would be able to hear then.
3. Do not interfere in other people’s conversations especially when standing in a sub groups of group.

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Plato

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4. Answer the questions, but do not elaborate to the point where others’ get a faraway look, start yawning or contemplating other activities’ in their mind.
5. When you want to tell something before you start doing, hold the tongue. For don’t tell others before time, until you have done it. Instead switch over the talk to interest, advice or opinion.
6. Do not tell people of their shortcomings, unless asked.

Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing. Rollo May

7. When feelings are hurt or reproached, keeping quiet with a smile and walking away really helps.
8. When the talk seems unfair or unjustified to you; say the same with reasoning, quietly and calmly.
9. Speaking abruptly, out of context or with excitement doesn’t help in the exchange of ideas or flow of words. Instead simmer the glee, watch their eyes and body language and then explore the ideas running in the mind with context to the situation at hand.

Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood. William Shakespeare

Ideas, talk and words are like milk. Once spilt, can’t be completely retrieved. As Shannon L. Adler had said, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a life long quest of the wise.”

Source:https://vk.com/public75290000

Daily, Family and Society, Quotes, Work

Measure of Intelligence

Posted on January 23, 2019November 14, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

Being innate hunters and gatherers for the purpose of survival, man doesn’t limit this action to his physical existence alone, but also to enhance his mental, emotional and spiritual thirst for life. From the very beginning, the questions of why, how, when, where and why has always fascinated man. To this purpose, the development of “intelligentia or intellectus” began from a purely scholarly view point to betterment of one’s existence. Fast forwarding to the present day, on the purpose of enhancing one’s intelligence; education, travel as well as acquiring information has been on the achievements list.

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. F. Scott Fitzgerald

In fact, many consider an intelligent person is one who reads a lot, received a good education, travelled a lot, knows several languages and bears a lot of facts, data or information. While all this is partly correct, one can have all yet lose sight of humanity. In other words, we can have all the prerequisites of being intelligent and be unintelligent. On the contrary, we can’t have any of the requirements and still be an internally intelligent person.

https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think. Ralph Waldo Emerson

For along the way we have lost sight of the real purpose of “intelligence”. The latter which in turn stems from the verb “intelligere” means to comprehend or perceive. Today both comprehension and perceptions are lost in the acquisition of intelligence.

Intelligence lies is not only in displaying knowledge, but also in the ability to understand others. It manifests itself in a thousand and a thousand trifles: in the ability to argue respectfully, behave modestly at the table, quietly (imperceptibly) help others, not to drop litter around themselves, not to utter hurtful or bad words or rude ideas.

Intelligence is the ability to understand, to perceive, it is a tolerant attitude towards the world and towards people. Dmitry Sergeevich Likhachev

So this begs the final question of whether we are intelligent enough to change for better and before things go from bad to worse. Or should we cling to what our beliefs and ideals were once formed on, even if they are humanely incorrect, egotistic and narrow minded to the point of stifling our relationships with fellow beings and curbing our growth, happiness and inner peace.

Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change. Stephen Hawking

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Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Quotes, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized

While Evolving

Posted on January 20, 2019January 20, 2019 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

‘You are being presented with a choice: evolve or remain. If you choose to remain unchanged, you will be presented with the same challenges, the same routine, the same storms, the same situations, until you learn from them, until you love yourself enough to say “no more”, until you choose change. If you choose to evolve, you will connect with the strength within you, you will explore what lies outside the comfort zone, you will awaken to love, you will become, you will be. You have everything you need. Choose to evolve. Choose love.’ Creig Crippen

On analyzing the social and cultural anthropology of man, “to evolve” has been a phenomenon going on from centuries. While through some years it was in a drastic manner, the other years would have seen gradual subtle changes. Either way, change becomes inevitable. Yet in the process of “evolving ourselves” care should be taken to not lose ourselves, our principles as well as our morale. For this, few root clauses to keep in mind would include the following.

Identify ourselves and our patterns, gaining insight into both. The latter would help us weed out the negatives and keep the positives to keep our life cycles going.

Restructuring our mentality of our past so as to learn from the good and the bad, never holding onto the regrets as they weigh us when we try to evolve ourselves. Acknowledge the past but don’t let it dictate or structure the future.

Acknowledge our true calling, either profession wise, or what we like doing the most. Take for instance, being a librarian doesn’t mean we have to restrict our inner muse for art or baking, as they may be monetarily unrewarding. Do anything productive that makes you happy and helps you grow as well.

Mankind is not likely to salvage civilization unless he can evolve a system of good and evil which is independent of heaven and hell. George Orwell

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Accepting ourselves wholeheartedly with our shortcomings whether the latter maybe physical, verbal or social. We are all made different, and the beauty of nature and creation lies in that. Whether by chance or by creation, just as no two fingerprints are identical, neither can we lower ourselves by scaling oneself to others’ eyes. By realizing that we may be different but unique, we can free up a whole lot of negative thinking and comparisons. Setting standards for oneself doesn’t mean altering or hiding what we were born with. Instead using our given talents and multiplying them is what setting standards and aiming to reach them includes.

Appreciate our fellow beings, for then in the course of evolution we learn not to lost the basic humaneness that is quite often, a missing component these days.

Aim to grow, try to learn but remember to say Grace knowing that our existence in this world is always momentary. In doing so, as we learn to evolve we learn to nurture our gifts and treasures that we were given.

Above all, as we evolve for reaching a particular target or focus; being flexible but surefooted, smart but kind, strong but gentle and honest would help us evolve ourselves with a clear conscience, inner peace as well as quiet strength laced with calmness.

I think the only way for you to grow and evolve is to keep listening, keep moving forward, keep jumping in and trying to experience. Dianne Reeves

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Christian, Life, Quotes, Reflections

End in the Circle

Posted on January 16, 2019November 16, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

When we look at the skies every night, one startling fact is that everything that stays in the universe is round, or spherical (perfect or oblate spheroid) to put in better terms. As per the laws of physics, it is a balance of gravitational and centrifugal forces as well as rotational speed that results in the asteroids, stars and planets being spheroid to galaxies being disc shaped.

Putting the scientific aspects into the world of philosophical views and thinking, when we look back through our various phases in life, we come to the understanding that everything boils down to being round especially “what goes around, comes around” like a circle or an oval.

While we see one person at one phase in our life, we realize what the latter had gone through only when we walk in the similar shoes which maybe soon or much later, at another point in our life. Although the Lord made all of us different, in essential unless we learn to appreciate the differences we never realize what a beautiful picture the various versions make.

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Joy, feeling one’s own value, being appreciated and loved by others, feeling useful and capable of production are all factors of enormous value for the human soul. Maria Montessori

Each of us has our own life, our own way of life, our own life situations. A person who has not gone through troubles and temptations will not understand the grieving. A happy father will not understand a father who has lost his child. The newlywed will not understand the divorced. A person whose parents are alive will not understand the one who has just buried his mother.

What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness? Jean-Jacques Rousseau

One can theorize, but there is a practice of life. We often don’t have life experiences and when we begin to gain it, we remember those who we had condemned, with whom we were strict and we begin to understand that at that moment we are like dummies. We did not understand how this person felt. We tried to edify them to the view we wanted to see them to make them but he was not up to remarks. Their hearts were filled with grief, their souls were weary and tired, they did not need lectures and lofty words. All they needed at that moment was sympathy, compassion and consolation, but we did not understand it. And when the Lord takes us through the same thing, we begin to feel what the other person felt. This would be one of the “circles of life” that everyone would go through at some point of time or other.

One’s life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion. Simone de Beauvoir

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Quotes

Where Did The Time Go

Posted on January 11, 2019November 16, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

One of the most sought after requirement for doing any task, buying any gadget or engaging in any short term or long term event is either “quick or fast or rapid or time-saving.” The modern era relies on saving or using time to do as much as possible, to the extent of forgetting that time like all other gifts of nature can’t be saved but only prioritized.

“The supposed great misery of our century is the lack of time.” John Fowles

For time is getting less day by day. We don’t have enough time to read books or newspapers, to write long letters that people once wrote to each other. We struggle to make time to love, communicate with our family and friends, simply talk to our children or even to admire the sunsets and sunrises or just mindlessly walk through the fields and woods. Where did all the time go? Where did this growing trouble of “less time” come from? We do everything in our power to save time, yet it is never enough.

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

“Quit saying you don’t have time. You have time for what you make time for in life.” Bryant H. McGill

To find time, is not easy but possible. If we take it upon ourselves to enlist our schedule for a week or even a day, we can figure out where the time went. After that, it is up to us to cut off activities that take up our precious hours and leave us with more headaches than ever. The inner query of “do I really need to do this” helps a lot. For instance, checking our email, Facebook or Instagram every hour, news by every hour (unless it is a professional requirement), numerous hours of television doesn’t really help us grow.

“Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days.” Zig Ziglar

We need to find time to manifest ourselves, the nature around us, our abilities, plans and dreams. Tracking down what is important is needed because once gone, time never returns but only moves forward.

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Family and Society, Life, Quotes, Reflections

View at the Harbor

Posted on January 10, 2019November 9, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

As a part of the holiday break, as I live pretty close to the sea; we, the entire family, had decided to spend the morning day at the docks and the beach. That was when I had noticed the hustle and bustle going around. Boats were coming and going, some unloading their catch whereas others were simply travelling for the fun with few capturing few seconds of the delights of the water and nature. Amidst all this, few children were playing on the docks with some passerby slipping in their greetings for the regular boats. On the other hand, some boats came quietly and left, with no greeting or exuberant shouts of joy for fellow boats. The resemblance between the activity at the harbour and our lives are pretty striking.

“Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,
Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;
So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another,
Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.”
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Tales of a Wayside Inn

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

In life we too have our own set of voyages. Yet on these journeys, we come across a number of ships. Some ships are close ones, while some are strangers. There are those who indirectly go with you in life, not really influencing but being present for some reason. There are those who come close to you and change the course of events in history. There are comings and goings. Some will leave a mark in an instant; others even after having been present for years nearby, will not touch the strings of your heart. It is impossible to predict who will stay with you; sometimes close ones let go of your hand on the edge of the abyss and suddenly strangers will hold your outstretched hands and grasp you tight. We can go on the same road, but look in different directions. We can go on different roads but suddenly we stop at an intersection. And no one knows what will happen in a minute, month, year.

“When anxious, uneasy and bad thoughts come, I go to the sea, and the sea drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its noise, and imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused.” Rainer Maria Rilke.

By entering into someone else’s life or even barely touching it, we leave in it what will become another beacon on the darkest night for him. Be kind, gracious and sincere. This is neither a weakness nor a vice. This is a force that has no price or boastful pride. Say important words to the people who are dear to you in time, because they are of the greatest value especially when we don’t have a guideline or guarantee of how long they can wait for us, or when will they be called. Everything that is so important to the heart has their own time or expiration date. Every word and dded will last only for so long, to the time allotted or it. We are all strangers in this life, closely or partially intertwined with each other. Each touch to your soul, like yours to someone else’s, leaves a mark in the book of destinies and changes the course of events. Be careful, touch carefully.

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts