Tag: relationships

Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Quotes, Stories Around the World

The Three Sieves

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.” Fran Lebowitz

The greatest ability that puts man apart from the rest of the oxygen dependent genres is the ability to read, write, think, comprehend and speak various languages understood with all of his kind. The gift of verbal and non-verbal communication of man is at a higher level than the rest of the living species.

“There is a time and a place for things. Sometimes one needs to put a filter on oneself. That can be a good thing.” Tori Amos

Which is why before we say something rash or simply repeat the hearsay, think if doing so is worth the time, effort, energy as well as the consequences and the aftermath. The wheel of time is such that it can be only move forward. Once a particular event has happened for good or bad, we can’t change it but only deal with it or take corrective measures.

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“Speak only if it improves upon the silence.” Mahatma Gandhi

Unless we learn to sieve our words and thoughts when we tweet, speak or cast them to the world around us; we would end up with a whole load of regrets, guilt and uneasiness. It is easy to fill in conversation gaps, catch attention or be the first with the information; yet unless it is true, beneficial, required, non intrusive and kind; saying nothing is more restful to oneself and others as well.

“Before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you invest, investigate. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try. Before you retire, save. Before you die, give.” William Arthur Ward

“One day, the old wise Socrates walks down the streets, when all of the sudden a man runs up to him “Socrates I have to tell you something about your friend who…”
“Hold up” Socrates interrupts him “About the story you’re about to tell me, did you put it trough the three sieves?”
“Three sieves?” The man asks “What three sieves?”
“Let’s try it” Socrates says.
“The first sieve is the one of truth, did you examine what you were about to tell me if it is true?” Socrates asks.
“Well no, I just overheard it” The man says.
“Ah, well then you have used the second sieve, the sieve of good?” Socrates asks “Is it something good what you’re about to tell me?”
“Ehm no, on the contrary” the man answers.
“Hmmm” The wise man says “Let’s use the third sieve then, is it necessary to tell me what you’re so exited about?”
“No not necessary” the man says.
“Well” Socrates says with a smile “If the story you’re about to tell me isn’t true, good or necessary, just forget it and don’t bother me with it.”
Socrates

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Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Stories Around the World

Love the Dandelions

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“I was a dandelion puff…Some saw the beauty in me and stooped quietly to admire my innocence. Others saw the potential of what I could do for them, so they uprooted me, seeking to shape me around their needs. They blew at my head, scattering my hair from the roots, changing me to suit them. Yet still others saw me as something that was unworthy and needed to be erased.” Nicole Bailey-Williams

A man who took great pride in his lawn found himself with a large crop of dandelions. He tried every method he knew to get rid of them. Still they plagued him. Finally he wrote to the Department of Agriculture. He enumerated all the things he had tried and closed his letter with the question: “What shall I do now?” In due course, the reply came: “We suggest you learn to love them.” ( adapted from Anthony de Mello’s The Song of the Bird)

We all have our own set of “dandelions” like a difficult boss, hectic work load, nosy neighbours, gossipy community member who we encounter on a daily basis, a disorderly household or even the unruly hair that refuses to settle down; the list is endless. While we would be able to change few of them them, the others would be in the category that we can’t change despite countless efforts, manoeuvres and attempts. What we can’t change, we shouldn’t fight. When we learn to accept and find a way to work around our “dandelions”, we achieve happiness in all the other good parts of life. There is a whole wide green lawn out there, yet only when we kick off our shoes, step into the green blades (scattered with the dandelions or not), we learn to enjoy the sense of beauty that nature offers us.

“Dandelions, like all things in nature are beautiful when you take the time to pay attention to them.” June Stoyer

In our lives, at work, in the neighbourhood and community and even among our extended families; there would be “dandelions” cropping every now and then. Yet these “dandelions” have their own beauty. As seen through nature and in various places, dandelions are not always considered as weeds. From being a medicinal herb to being cultivated as a crop for dandelion wine or tea, their uses vary on occasion, place, purpose and requirement. Likewise, when we learn to enjoy every “dandelion”, their beauty and abilities will be appreciated. Remember the fun memories with dandelions in our childhood. Be like a child with the “dandelions” we find in our life, curl the stems in water, blow out the seeds, paint them and above all, make cherished memories having fun.

“Dandelions are just friendly little weeds who only want to be loved like flowers.” Heather Babcock

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Posted in Family and Society, Quotes, Stories Around the World

Seeking the Truth

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Truth is never a straight line; it is a circle that will take you back to what you know, in order to challenge your belief in what is fair, what is real, what is forgivable, what is not and what type of person will you become today now that you know.” Shannon L. Alder

Many a time we are in a state of wondering what are the criterion of declaring the truth. Is it as per the majority or is it based on logical,factual or ethical understanding. In reality, the existence of the truth to self is an abstract measure of perspective of one person that another person might disagree with. What might true at one point of time might be wrong when scrutinized at another point along the time frame. Why do we seek the truth so badly ? Is it to put to rest the rising doubts and questions in the mind? Or is it to seek a code of conduct or rules to live by ? Whatever may the reason be, unless the truth resonates with our thinking and mind frame, we are always in doubt of it.

“It is not the possession of truth, but the success which attends the seeking after it, that enriches the seeker and brings happiness to him.” Max Planck

In our search for the identity of self and finding the certainty of our existence, being true to oneself matters the most. While one piece may not make sense, the jigsaw puzzles put together make the picture whole and complete as well as the concept clear. For time had made truth both objective and subjective as well as relative to absolute, but as long it sets the mind free it is worth the search.

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The seeker of truth

After years of searching, the seeker was told to go to a cave, in which he would find a well. ‘Ask the well what is truth’, he was advised, ‘and the well will reveal it to you’. Having found the well, the seeker asked that most fundamental question. And from the depths came the answer, ‘Go to the village crossroad: there you shall find what you are seeking’.Full of hope and anticipation the man ran to the crossroad to find only three rather uninteresting shops. One shop was selling pieces of metal, another sold wood, and thin wires were for sale in the third. Nothing and no one there seemed to have much to do with the revelation of truth.

Disappointed, the seeker returned to the well to demand an explanation, but he was told only, ‘You will understand in the future.’ When the man protested, all he got in return were the echoes of his own shouts. Indignant for having been made a fool of – or so he thought at the time – the seeker continued his wanderings in search of truth. As years went by, the memory of his experience at the well gradually faded until one night, while he was walking in the moonlight, the sound of sitar music caught his attention. It was wonderful music and it was played with great mastery and inspiration. Profoundly moved, the truth seeker felt drawn towards the player. He looked at the fingers dancing over the strings. He became aware of the sitar itself. And then suddenly he exploded in a cry of joyous recognition: the sitar was made out of wires and pieces of metal and wood just like those he had once seen in the three stores and had thought it to be without any particular significance.

At last he understood the message of the well: we have already been given everything we need: our task is to assemble and use it in the appropriate way. Nothing is meaningful so long as we perceive only separate fragments. But as soon as the fragments come together into a synthesis, a new entity emerges, whose nature we could not have foreseen by considering the fragments alone.

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Posted in Christian, Life, Quotes, Stories Around the World

Curious not Judgemental

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An elderly man with a 25-year-old son entered the train car and took their seats. The young man sat by the window. As soon as the train started moving, he put his hand out the window to feel the flow of air and suddenly shouted in admiration: “Dad, you see, all the trees are coming back!” The older man smiled back. Next to the young man was a married couple. They were a bit confused by the fact that a 25-year-old man behaves like a little child. Suddenly young man again shouted in delight: “Dad, you see the lake and the animals … The clouds go with the train!”  The couple shyly watched the strange behavior of a young man, in which his father did not seem to find anything strange. It began to rain, and raindrops touched the young man’s hand. He again became overwhelmed with joy and closed his eyes. And then he shouted: “Dad, it’s raining, the water touches me! See, Dad ?” Wanting to help with something, the couple sitting next to her asked the elderly man:“ Why won’t you take your son to some clinic for a consultation?” An elderly man replied: “We have just come from the clinic. Today, my son, for the first time in his life, has acquired his sight … ”

It is impossible to judge the affairs and actions of other people without having all the knowledge. Only God possesses the fullness of knowledge. Therefore, “Judge not, that ye be not judged!”

This is an interesting post that I had come across my social pages, although I am not sure about the original author or source. What set me thinking was that, n scenarios similar to the above, was there a better way to frame the question to allay the curiosity. For instance, a more polite way of asking would be, “Isn’t this journey interesting ?” or state “Your son loves train journeys.” If then the father is willing to open up and talk, then it would be fine. Even if that doesn’t happen, by keen observation one can deduce a number of things from any situation.

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“Be curious, not judgemental.” Walt Whitman

There is a fine line between curiosity and being judgemental. The latter refers to holding an opinion; decide upon critically; to infer, think or hold as an opinion; conclude about or assess or to act like a judge; passing verbal or mental comments with or without assessing the situation in totality. No one can know about the other, unless each one decides to share their story. For that to happen, we would be able to hear others, once we keep quiet, stop thinking or supposing and listen to their entire narrative.

“If we had no faults of our own, we should not take so much pleasure in noticing those in others and judging their lives as either black or white, good or bad. We all live our lives in shades of gray.”- Shannon L.Alder

As we go about the day, take care to be curious but not assign any opinion, label or be prejudiced in our behaviour without viewing the entire picture. Each time we weigh other in the mental scale, think twice before we start the process. Only when we are weighed in the scale do we realize how much our worth actually weighs against the lives that we lead.

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Posted in Life, Personal Musings, Stories Around the World

Aftermath of Ripples

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix, but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that’s a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect. Rob Reiner

Two men were out on the water in a boat. One of them began drilling in the bottom of the boat, and the other, aghast said “What are you doing? Stop drilling!”. And the first man replied: “It’s all right. I’m only drilling on my side.”

Whether it’s your side or my side, the drilling of the hole affects all the travelers in the boat. This was a forward I had recently received from a friend. There are other versions similar to the above tale, although I believe this was adapted from the parable in the Jewish Midrash Rabbah. The message underlying is that the action of one person whether intentional or not, will affect those around him, either directly or indirectly.

Like the ripples caused by a stone in water, one leads to another till the action wears off. In real life, the ripples caused can have drastic impact, of the good kind and of the dangerous type. An accident, sudden death or harsh words can offset a chain of events that haven’t been predicted or foreseen. While some call it fate, not all events can be grouped under that umbrella. The consequence of our actions at time can be unfathomable. Drunk driving, hit-and-run, speeding, unsupervised work at construction sites are few instances that remind us that our actions impact everyone, not just us.

“Our personal ripple effect is the power of one generating hope and change in others for a better world. Like ripples radiating across the surface of a pond when a pebble is tossed in, kindness is powerful and has far-reaching, positive ramifications that bring about a tremendous sense of joy.” Laurie Buchanan

While we do good, others do benefit and same with the bad. When we try not to cause harm to others by keeping our selfish interests under check, it makes the world a better place to live. In case we forget this important fact, remember very often what goes around comes around as well. After all time doesn’t discriminate.

While it may seem small, the ripple effects of small things is extraordinary. Matt Bevin

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Posted in Family and Society, poetry, Quotes, Reflections

Blinded by Emotions

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion and knowledge. Plato

One of the great teachers and thinkers of the ancient civilization, Plato’s words have held true through the trials of time. Almost in the same order, desire and emotions have always ruled above common sense and knowledge. Even if these emotions have set man apart from the other animal creations; it has often blinded him to other beings even of his own kind, to the point of destroying himself in the process. As truth is bitter, many of us fail to acknowledge that we are often swayed by emotions instead of logic.

How many times have we been passed over others not due to lack of skill but over personal preferences, likes or dislikes of the selectors? How many times have we prejudiced others based on their attire, colour, backgrounds and appearances when they put us to shame with their behaviour and nature ?

When we begin to build walls of prejudice, hatred, pride, and self-indulgence around ourselves, we are more surely imprisoned than any prisoner behind concrete walls and iron bars. Mother Angelica

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The gilded cages that we build around us in all glory keeps us in one place, not letting us to fly and explore the world around us; unless we chose to open the door to use our wings. While we can’t control what is happening, we hold the key to our own behaviour in our dealings with others, at work, neighbourhood and wherever we go. Either way as the poet Robert Frost had said the world will end in the fire of desire or the ice of hatred; though both ways are disastrous, historical and anthropological evidence has proven through the ice ages which is more terrible of the two.

Awareness is realizing that our life could always be better. Growth is doing what it takes to make it better. When we choose the positive over the negative, liberation over repression, truth over illusion, we become real creators. Danielle LaPorte

Fire and Ice 
By Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

 

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Posted in Family and Society, Life, Photography Art, Stories Around the World

Danger of Anger

Posted on by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

One of the most powerful emotions of man that can have very severe consequences is anger. As time and history has even proven, anger not only causes mayhem but also mass destruction with deadening consequences. What we never realize that the anger is more deadly for the person who carries than it perpetually than one who tries to vent it. To quote Baptist Beacon, “ Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

As an old English proverb goes,“Anger is often more hurtful than the injury that caused it.” An anger stewed on can grow stronger generating resentment and hatred along with it and eventually fixes itself onto the mind, body and soul echoing in the thoughts, actions and even dreams. Finally it gets fueled by displeasure ultimately swelling and bursting into flames which become irreconcilable and irreversible. When we look back, we wonder what was the need for all of it. “If you kick a stone in anger you will hurt your foot. Korean saying”

As Apostle Paul had taught in Ephesians 4:26,””In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” For carrying this burden is tiresome and lonely. With every hour we fuel the anger, we lose twice the precious time of our peace. While certain occasions may feel like anger is justified, it doesn’t bring any solution just creates a negative impact. As William Arthur Ward had said, “It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”

Hoarding and storing up the anger is like handling a bag of mouldy and stale potatoes. Not only is it irksome, but it also wastes space in the cellar but also spreads the mould and rot to the other edible items. “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. Chinese Proverb”

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A Bag of Potatoes

The student asked the teacher: “You are so wise. You are always in a good mood, you never get angry. Help me to be like that.” The teacher agreed and asked the student to bring potatoes and a transparent bag. “If you get angry at someone and harbor a grudge,” said the teacher, “then take this potato.” On one side write your name, on the other the name of the person with whom the conflict occurred, and put this potato in the bag. – And it’s all? – puzzled asked student. “No,” answered the teacher. You should always carry this bag with you. And every time when someone is offended, add potatoes to it. The student agreed … Some time passed. The student pack was replenished with several more potatoes and became quite heavy. It was always very uncomfortable to carry around. In addition, the potato that he put at the very beginning began to deteriorate. It was covered with slippery bloom, some sprouted, some flowered and began to produce a sharp unpleasant smell. The student came to the teacher and said: – It is already impossible to carry with you. Firstly, the bag is too heavy, and secondly, the potatoes spoiled. Offer something else.

But the teacher said: – The same thing happens in your soul. When you are angry with someone, you are offended, then a heavy stone appears in your soul. You just do not immediately notice. Then the stones become more and more. Acts become habits, habits – in character, which gives rise to fetid vices. And it is very easy to forget about this cargo, because it is too heavy to carry it with you all the time. I gave you the opportunity to observe the whole process from the outside. Every time you decide to be offended or, on the contrary, offend someone, think whether you need this stone. Our vices are generated by ourselves. Do you need to carry a bag of spoiled potatoes behind your back?

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