relationships – Page 21 – Sugar And Spice… Among Other Things

Christian, Reflections, Stories Around the World

Fickle Nature of Man

Posted on November 18, 2018October 19, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.” ( 1 Timothy 2:3,4)

One of the many stories of the Bible which is widely known is the tale of Jonah and how he was swallowed by the big fish. For those of us who haven’t heard of the story from the Bible, it says about Jonah (or Jonas) is a prophet of the northern kingdom of Israel in about the 8th century BC. He is called upon by God to travel to Nineveh and warn its residents to repent of their sins or face divine wrath. Instead, Jonah boards a ship to Tarshish where the boat was caught in a raging storm. He then orders the ship’s crew to cast him overboard (to end the storm), whereupon he is swallowed by a giant fish. Three days later, after Jonah agrees to go to Nineveh, the fish vomits him out onto the shore. Jonah successfully convinces the entire city of that generation to repent which was sufficient for God to spare the city at that time.

Although the feat of Jonah getting swallowed by the fish, surviving and being vomited out is remarkable; the chapters of the book stress on the fickleness of humans and the nature of God who keeps a watch over us.

The biblical principle underlined in the chapters was God’s willingness to grant repentance to whom He will. As Apostle Paul had written, “The Lord is patient with you not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). God offers His love to all, the rich and the poor, the believers and the atheists, the young and the old as the writings of the brutal Ninevites as well as prophets have shown. While it is true that the choice is ours to accept His Salvation and His Love, the patience of the Lord is never wavering. For some, there may be trials and tribulations, while others will enjoy their relative comfort. Yet the joy and gift of His Love is known to only those chose His Way and can’t be explained but only felt when one allows Him in their lives.

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Daily, Quotes, Random Thoughts

Unmasked Surprise

Posted on November 10, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

Everything that a person does when they are taken by surprise is the best proof of what he really is. That which breaks away from the tongue, before it is time to suppress its impulse, betrays the true essence. If there are rats in the basement, then you are most likely to see them if you enter unexpectedly. But no surprise breeds rats; it only prevents them from hiding in time. Nor does the surprise of the excuse or the excuse make me quick-tempered; she only discovers my hot temper.

– Clive Staples Lewis, “Just Christianity”

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Family and Society, Life, Reflections, Stories Around the World

Trace the Bridges

Posted on November 7, 2018October 8, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

In forensic sciences there is a principle known as Locard’s exchange principle which states that the perpetrator of a crime will bring something into the crime scene and leave with something from it, and that both can be used as forensic evidence. Although these words written by Locard was, “It is impossible for a criminal to act, especially considering the intensity of a crime, without leaving traces of this presence.”

Nevertheless setting aside crime scenes, what was dwelling in my mind were two words “exchange” and “traces”. Although the principle above may sound simple, what one fails to realize is that our every human interaction and relationship works on exchange and traces. There is an exchange of human emotions, ideas, behaviour, words and actions leaving behind imprints or traces in the near or distant future behaviour or interactions. Along the exchanges, sometimes we end up in having misconceptions, misunderstandings and mistrust, finally leading to innumerable issues. While some issues may be genuine and easily resolvable by a little give and take, others may either be irrevocably knotty or may be there as courtesy of making a mountain out of a molehill. Yet the catch is that we will never know unless we try.

Human relationships are of a very fragile nature. They need a lot of care and fostering to maintain and grow. Even the ones that seem rock solid might falter if the small pebbles strewn in the path aren’t cleared. On the other hand walls and fences are rock solid and never crumble, but they are meant for walling in or isolation. Until we learn to build bridges to keep the flow of exchange of ideas, emotions and interactions, we wouldn’t be able to leave behind traces either. After all life without meaning is purposeless, for what everyone wants among the deepest desire buried in their hearts is to be wanted and loved. Then on, the rest will follow.

As the story between the two brothers go, everyday we have the choice of building fences or bridges. One leads to isolation and the other to openness. Yet the final decision is ours to make. While we need to know which bridges to cross or which to burn, sometimes we need more than one chance to decide the outcome of whether to cross the bridge or not. Either way the course of action is ours to decide and the sequelae that follows, we ourselves will have to face.

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The two brothers

Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labour and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. One morning there was a knock on John’s door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter’s toolbox. “I’m looking for a few days work,” he said. “Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there. Could I help you?” “Yes,” said the older brother. “I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That’s my neighbour. In fact, it’s my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I’ll go him one better. See that pile of lumber curing by the barn? I want you to build me a fence – an 8-foot fence – so I won’t need to see his place anymore. Cool him down anyhow.” The carpenter said, “I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post hole digger and I’ll be able to do a job that pleases you.”

The older brother had to go to town for supplies, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day.
The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer’s eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge – a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work – handrails and all – and the neighbour, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched. “You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I’ve said and done.” The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other’s hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. “No, wait! Stay a few days. I’ve a lot of other projects for you,” said the older brother. “I’d love to stay on,” the carpenter said, ” but I have many more bridges to build.”

Everyday we have the choice of building fences or bridges. One leads to isolation and the other to openness.

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Family and Society, Photography Art, Reflections, Stories Around the World

Simply Fruit

Posted on November 3, 2018November 3, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Hello. Welcome to the Portokalos family and welcome the-the Miller family. I-I was thinking last night, um, the night before my-my daughter was gonna marry, uh, I-an Miller, that, um, you know, the root of the word Miller is a Greek word. Miller come from the Greek word “milo”, which is mean apple, there you go. As many of you know, our name Portokalos is come from the Greek word “portolakli”, which means orange. So, okay, here tonight we have, uh, apple and orange… we all different, but, in the end, we all fruit,” said Gus Portokalos at his daughter Toula’s wedding reception.

In case if the reader is wondering the context and origin of these lines, they are from the romantic comedy film of My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002). The movie is centered on Fotoula “Toula” Portokalos, a Greek-American woman who in the middle of early mid-life crisis finally falls in love with Ian, an upper middle class White Anglo-Saxon Protestant American or simply put, a non-Greek American. Born into a an orthodox Greek family, Toula examines her relationship with family, with their cultural heritage and value system. Finally all ends well as the wedding takes with mutual appreciation of each others culture, tradition and customs.

Yet among the variety of funny dialogues, the words of Gus Portokalos resonate in the mind. Even though the speech is simple, the implicit message conveyed boils down to the fact that although we all are different, we eventually end up in the fruit basket. This truth is not confined to Greeks alone but is pertinent across all societies around the world. Similar situations have been encountered in different places not necessarily weddings, even the market places, work or on the daily commute. Fruit in whichever shape or size, chopped or as whole, garnished or plain or by whatever name or colour ultimately belongs to the big family of “fruit”.

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Putting this subtle yet profound realization into practice in our day-to-day interactions would bridge the discriminatory attitude towards the people we meet across the different walks of our life. While we may not agree with some of them, absolute disdain and disrespect of others based on physical or traditional characteristics would narrow the rich exposure of the flavours of life.

In fact, unknowingly our words and actions mirror our personality as well as the traditions and culture that we belong to. By pointing one finger at others, we fail to grasp that at least three of the remaining three fingers are directed back towards us. And if anyone directs their hand at others, know that the same hand is attached to our body which throws back a picture about the culture and upbringing of the person. So instead of wasting away precious time and energy over irrelevant and minor details, isn’t it easier to keep matters simple and enjoy the basket of fruit ?

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Daily, Family and Society, Reflections

Caught by the Web

Posted on October 22, 2018October 4, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Sorry, network out of coverage area.”
“Free Wi-Fi available”
“Is there network coverage in this area?”
“Is there internet facility available in this cafe ?”

The above sentiments have been either echoed by us or we have heard them on a daily basis. Most malls, stores, cafes and even public waiting areas advertise the availability of internet and free Wi-Fi. While for them it is a means to attract more customers, sometimes we do require internet facility in these areas. Yet the right balance has to be struck between the need and the time spent using the internet. Wi-Fi is needed depending on our professional as well as social requirements. Yet besides the eight working hours, how many of the remaining hours do we spent on the net ? Are we in the era where we are more anxious about the availability of internet at home or at social gatherings instead of spending quality time with our family or strengthening our social relationships? How many of us neglect direct interactions in favour of compulsive checking of our social media accounts? The answers will reflect on the extent to which the internet dominates our life.

Like all modern technology, the internet does open up a vast chasm of information, which can turn out to be quite useful or just distractions. The knowledge that we glean from the net is like a two edged sword, it has to be accurate factually and also add on to our enlightenment in a positive manner. For such a use, the internet is indeed instrumental to add to our daily time. Yet at the same, the web is indeed a trap with lots of data where the reliability is questionable as well as having an adverse effect on our daily life.

The scales of usage have to be precariously balanced. Introspectively, it all comes down to what we use it for; materialistic impulses or sensible living. If we engage in imbibing on trash like gossip, slander, impure or wicked thoughts; besides wasting our time, we feed ourselves on junk that causes more harm than good.
As Proverbs 15:14 says,”A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash.”(NLT version)

Putting in the wisdom of His Word to practice, proper choices have to made regarding the use of the net. For the internet is indeed a treasure trove but if it comes at the expense of family time, loss of relationships or excessive usage to the point of anxiousness, then it’s time to reconsider whether we are indeed a victim of the trappings of the spider’s web.

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Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Photography Art

Happy by Berries

Posted on October 18, 2018October 10, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“..it is a corpse, and not man, which needs these six feet. . . . It is not six feet of earth, not a country-estate, that man needs, but the whole globe, the whole of nature, room to display his qualities and the individual characteristics of his soul.” (Ivan Ivanovich)

These were the lines told by the character Ivan Ivanovich in the story “Gooseberries” by Anton Chekhov. One of the most noted Russian playwright and short-story writer who brought early modernism into theatre, Anton Pavlovich Chekhov practiced as a medical doctor throughout most of his literary career. Gooseberries was written towards the end of Chekhov’s life and this tale explores the themes of social injustice, the quest for fulfillment and happiness as well as our perceptions of what makes us happy.

In short, Ivan Ivanovich, tells the story of his younger brother Nikolai Ivanovich. The latter is a government official who is possessed by the desire to return to the country where he had spent his early years with happiness and carefree joy. The sign of this cherished dream was owning land with a gooseberry bush. Finally his aspiration came true. Ivan Ivanovich tells of his visit to Nikolai, who has become now idle, stingy, mean and apparently happy living in what he imagined to be his earthly paradise. Ivan Ivanovich then contemplates about the nature of human happiness, which according to him is the result of any man’s views within the walls of the narrow world he’d built for himself.

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For me, the beauty of this story lies in the measures by which we define our happiness. Each one has their own concept of being happy. While one labels being happy in the creature comforts and the luxuries confined within the four walls or one’s estate neglecting the outside world, the other feels happy by engaging in social activities and routines with other fellow beings.

The pursuit of happiness does lie in what we want in our lives. Fame, riches, material gains versus being free of spirit, enjoying social works and community, morality or spirituality; we get to decide what we want. One fact that is glaringly obvious is that happiness is a perspective that is temperamental. Happiness can be an illusion or a reality. Either by living a life of a buoyant pragmatic approach realism or by a vacuous bourgeois existence, we get to chose how to be happy. Just as no man is an island, our happiness increases when we share it. The approach for happiness might be different for each one of us, but if the path to one’s happiness lies in the complete destruction of another person, then that view of happiness is not only distorted but is dangerous and disastrous as well.

Source:https://vk.com/slideshowarts

Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings

Choice of Flight or Fight

Posted on October 16, 2018September 28, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

As I was reading the reviews of few movies, many were based on the trope of either the hero or heroine struggling in one town, get their heart broken, dreams smashed and then they pack their bags, finally reinventing themselves in a new place.

This cliché wins the crowd almost all the time. Maybe it’s because it centers on the fact that we can win any struggle by changing our environment, resetting our frame of mind and then give a fresh try. The only catch is that we always believe the guise of being bold to step outside our comfort zone and renew our positive forces is enough to get our dreams going all the time. To an extent this may help. For at times we do need to detach, step outside our regular zone and take a chance for change. Yet this strategy doesn’t always work.

For some, running away from the problems may not work and we are thrown into the state of chaos again. Instead of embracing and dealing with the discomfort and sorting out the mess, we leave falsely believing that doing so will give us the control of calling the shots. But on running away we are adding to an indefinite issue of our emotional mess and trauma. Finally the clutter will seep through every facet of our life, ranging from work to our social and even mental life. As Haruki Murakami quoted, “Distance might not solve anything, no matter how far you run.”

We can’t write a new chapter without completing the old one or closing it with an abrupt finish. If we do so, there is a chance that we will flutter about in the new chapter. This fairy-tale world that we live in for now will be overturned by the baggage of the past and problems or loose ends that were never resolved. Instead we will eventually bleed out at minor scratches. Such an existence will be a terrible one. Eventually the time will come when we lose our roots and forget who we were, to start with.

The art of life rests on our understanding of when to stay and when to leave, of when to fight or when is flight the answer. True that the art does lie in reining our positive energies and our focus, striving to step out of our comfort zone and explore new horizons when required. Yet the art also lies in staying when the initial reaction is to flee and also to focus on what truly matters even if it unsettles us. The primal fear of man is being stuck in a rut of discontent and indecisiveness of whether the right choices were made. Yet all the “ifs” can be fought only if challenge the fear, face it, rise up higher than it and then fight it down. Then the fear will shrink away when it matters. To refuse to run when it really matters and stand our ground will make all the difference in the long run.