Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Life, Quotes, Reflections

Screen “Timed”

The other day, my colleague and I were sitting at a cafe during our break hours. While enjoying our coffee, it was interesting to note that couples or groups at various tables were mostly on their phones. In the case of singlets, I would be able to understand but for couples to be mostly on phones felt strange. Late that day, during my drive back to home, the similar situations were seen among the students waiting for or on the bus, passengers on the bus, at the grocers’ – everyone were on their “screen time mode” be it phones, iPads or tablets. The question that popped in my mind was “how much of screen time do we attend to each day ?”

The sad fact is we all live in our screens. Trips are taken to showcase photos as proof of fun, not vice versa. If one disagrees, then why do we cram up so much sights in one day to see when we go on a break instead of enjoying each hour that we spend.

Sometimes you have to disconnect to stay connected. Remember the old days when you had eye contact during a conversation? When everyone wasn’t looking down at a device in their hands? We’ve become so focused on that tiny screen that we forget the big picture, the people right in front of us. Regina Brett

Screen time has cost us our ability to talk. We lack communication primarily, because we are too busy staring at the screens, or tired from staring at the screen all day or we are too caught up on thinking about what is happening on the screen. Each one of us have our own coat of interests, acquaintances offline and online, yet when they interfere with our social bonding, family ties, relationships and health; its’ time to re-evaluate.

The drawback of modern communication is that we “message, chat or pictorize” but we don’t communicate or really know how one is feeling or understand and listen to each other. Consequently we lose out on real love, kinship and bonds; instead we get swamped by bouts or periods of loneliness, inattention, superficiality and emptiness. There are many instances in families, communities or campuses, where individuals live under the same roof but know squat about each other. Privacy should be respected, but knowing basics of whether you like tea or coffee, vegan or not, healthy or unwell, address or one’s dislikes and likes is essential to forge and maintain bonds.

“It’s not just about limiting screen time; it’s about teaching kids to develop good habits in real life As well as managing their screen time.” Cynthia Crossley

The worst hit from excessive screen time are families. They live together but sit in their gadgets, completely oblivious to each other speaking “different languages”. Parents and children forget to talk to each other. There are exchange of words but no connection, intimacy, enjoyment or relaxation to just be together. “The key is to teach them how to be safe with technology, because ultimately, we want our children to be in charge of technology, rather than feeling technology is in charge of them,” as said by Elaine Halligan, London director of The Parent Practice

Knowing to delegate screen time is necessary, as each year in life happens only once. Adults can’t relive their childhood years like their children. Each one will grow up quickly and time will fly. Kids will grow up quickly, and we will not be able to sit with them, read books or just have some fun. We adults might find it late to spend time with someone dear, because life in general is lived quickly. We need to distribute our time to one another. When “screen time” becomes “screen life”, its’ time to change before we too get swiped by a tap.

Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Life, Reflections

Converse to Communicate

Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory. Emily Post

In our day-to-day life, we come across many people of different personality types, various behaviours or views, and going through their individual set of emotions at the various phases in their lives. Yet a common thread running through all the people we meet either at work, neighbourhood or market is conversation. The latter can range from being a casual nod to a simple greeting of “Hello, How do you do ?” or talk of the weather, politics (regional to global), work and the daily happenings.

A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That’s why there are so few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet. Truman Capote

Unfortunately not all of us can strike a conversation at the right time or a fruitful one which doesn’t end up in a war of words or ideas. This art has come to a point where social messaging and screen talk leaves one more comfortable than being engaged in a face-to-face conversations. The sad fact is real communication doesn’t grow from written words but meaningful exchange of words, ideas, thoughts, expressions and emotions.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. George Bernard Shaw

Yet when conversing makes us uneasy, tactless, upset or bored to the point of losing people, breaking relationships and friendships; it is time to introspect and sift through the mind to find out what went wrong. There are a few tips that I often find helpful when discoursing with others.

1. When you know something, but not asked; it helps to keep quiet and listen.
2. When you are at the receiving end of a talk, learn to be silent to listen. Two can’t talk at once for no one would be able to hear then.
3. Do not interfere in other people’s conversations especially when standing in a sub groups of group.

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Plato

4. Answer the questions, but do not elaborate to the point where others’ get a faraway look, start yawning or contemplating other activities’ in their mind.
5. When you want to tell something before you start doing, hold the tongue. For don’t tell others before time, until you have done it. Instead switch over the talk to interest, advice or opinion.
6. Do not tell people of their shortcomings, unless asked.

Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing. Rollo May

7. When feelings are hurt or reproached, keeping quiet with a smile and walking away really helps.
8. When the talk seems unfair or unjustified to you; say the same with reasoning, quietly and calmly.
9. Speaking abruptly, out of context or with excitement doesn’t help in the exchange of ideas or flow of words. Instead simmer the glee, watch their eyes and body language and then explore the ideas running in the mind with context to the situation at hand.

Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood. William Shakespeare

Ideas, talk and words are like milk. Once spilt, can’t be completely retrieved. As Shannon L. Adler had said, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a life long quest of the wise.”

Posted in Family and Society, Life, Quotes, Reflections

View at the Harbor

As a part of the holiday break, as I live pretty close to the sea; we, the entire family, had decided to spend the morning day at the docks and the beach. That was when I had noticed the hustle and bustle going around. Boats were coming and going, some unloading their catch whereas others were simply travelling for the fun with few capturing few seconds of the delights of the water and nature. Amidst all this, few children were playing on the docks with some passerby slipping in their greetings for the regular boats. On the other hand, some boats came quietly and left, with no greeting or exuberant shouts of joy for fellow boats. The resemblance between the activity at the harbour and our lives are pretty striking.

“Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,
Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;
So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another,
Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.”
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Tales of a Wayside Inn

In life we too have our own set of voyages. Yet on these journeys, we come across a number of ships. Some ships are close ones, while some are strangers. There are those who indirectly go with you in life, not really influencing but being present for some reason. There are those who come close to you and change the course of events in history. There are comings and goings. Some will leave a mark in an instant; others even after having been present for years nearby, will not touch the strings of your heart. It is impossible to predict who will stay with you; sometimes close ones let go of your hand on the edge of the abyss and suddenly strangers will hold your outstretched hands and grasp you tight. We can go on the same road, but look in different directions. We can go on different roads but suddenly we stop at an intersection. And no one knows what will happen in a minute, month, year.

“When anxious, uneasy and bad thoughts come, I go to the sea, and the sea drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its noise, and imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused.” Rainer Maria Rilke. 

By entering into someone else’s life or even barely touching it, we leave in it what will become another beacon on the darkest night for him. Be kind, gracious and sincere. This is neither a weakness nor a vice. This is a force that has no price or boastful pride. Say important words to the people who are dear to you in time, because they are of the greatest value especially when we don’t have a guideline or guarantee of how long they can wait for us, or when will they be called. Everything that is so important to the heart has their own time or expiration date. Every word and dded will last only for so long, to the time allotted or it. We are all strangers in this life, closely or partially intertwined with each other. Each touch to your soul, like yours to someone else’s, leaves a mark in the book of destinies and changes the course of events. Be careful, touch carefully.

Posted in Daily, Family and Society, Stories Around the World

Love the Dandelions

“I was a dandelion puff…Some saw the beauty in me and stooped quietly to admire my innocence. Others saw the potential of what I could do for them, so they uprooted me, seeking to shape me around their needs. They blew at my head, scattering my hair from the roots, changing me to suit them. Yet still others saw me as something that was unworthy and needed to be erased.” Nicole Bailey-Williams

A man who took great pride in his lawn found himself with a large crop of dandelions. He tried every method he knew to get rid of them. Still they plagued him. Finally he wrote to the Department of Agriculture. He enumerated all the things he had tried and closed his letter with the question: “What shall I do now?” In due course, the reply came: “We suggest you learn to love them.” ( adapted from Anthony de Mello’s The Song of the Bird)

We all have our own set of “dandelions” like a difficult boss, hectic work load, nosy neighbours, gossipy community member who we encounter on a daily basis, a disorderly household or even the unruly hair that refuses to settle down; the list is endless. While we would be able to change few of them them, the others would be in the category that we can’t change despite countless efforts, manoeuvres and attempts. What we can’t change, we shouldn’t fight. When we learn to accept and find a way to work around our “dandelions”, we achieve happiness in all the other good parts of life. There is a whole wide green lawn out there, yet only when we kick off our shoes, step into the green blades (scattered with the dandelions or not), we learn to enjoy the sense of beauty that nature offers us.

“Dandelions, like all things in nature are beautiful when you take the time to pay attention to them.” June Stoyer

In our lives, at work, in the neighbourhood and community and even among our extended families; there would be “dandelions” cropping every now and then. Yet these “dandelions” have their own beauty. As seen through nature and in various places, dandelions are not always considered as weeds. From being a medicinal herb to being cultivated as a crop for dandelion wine or tea, their uses vary on occasion, place, purpose and requirement. Likewise, when we learn to enjoy every “dandelion”, their beauty and abilities will be appreciated. Remember the fun memories with dandelions in our childhood. Be like a child with the “dandelions” we find in our life, curl the stems in water, blow out the seeds, paint them and above all, make cherished memories having fun.

“Dandelions are just friendly little weeds who only want to be loved like flowers.” Heather Babcock

Posted in Christian, Life, Quotes, Stories Around the World

Curious not Judgemental

An elderly man with a 25-year-old son entered the train car and took their seats. The young man sat by the window. As soon as the train started moving, he put his hand out the window to feel the flow of air and suddenly shouted in admiration: “Dad, you see, all the trees are coming back!” The older man smiled back. Next to the young man was a married couple. They were a bit confused by the fact that a 25-year-old man behaves like a little child. Suddenly young man again shouted in delight: “Dad, you see the lake and the animals … The clouds go with the train!”  The couple shyly watched the strange behavior of a young man, in which his father did not seem to find anything strange. It began to rain, and raindrops touched the young man’s hand. He again became overwhelmed with joy and closed his eyes. And then he shouted: “Dad, it’s raining, the water touches me! See, Dad ?” Wanting to help with something, the couple sitting next to her asked the elderly man:“ Why won’t you take your son to some clinic for a consultation?” An elderly man replied: “We have just come from the clinic. Today, my son, for the first time in his life, has acquired his sight … ”

It is impossible to judge the affairs and actions of other people without having all the knowledge. Only God possesses the fullness of knowledge. Therefore, “Judge not, that ye be not judged!”

This is an interesting post that I had come across my social pages, although I am not sure about the original author or source. What set me thinking was that, n scenarios similar to the above, was there a better way to frame the question to allay the curiosity. For instance, a more polite way of asking would be, “Isn’t this journey interesting ?” or state “Your son loves train journeys.” If then the father is willing to open up and talk, then it would be fine. Even if that doesn’t happen, by keen observation one can deduce a number of things from any situation.

“Be curious, not judgemental.” Walt Whitman

There is a fine line between curiosity and being judgemental. The latter refers to holding an opinion; decide upon critically; to infer, think or hold as an opinion; conclude about or assess or to act like a judge; passing verbal or mental comments with or without assessing the situation in totality. No one can know about the other, unless each one decides to share their story. For that to happen, we would be able to hear others, once we keep quiet, stop thinking or supposing and listen to their entire narrative.

“If we had no faults of our own, we should not take so much pleasure in noticing those in others and judging their lives as either black or white, good or bad. We all live our lives in shades of gray.”- Shannon L.Alder

As we go about the day, take care to be curious but not assign any opinion, label or be prejudiced in our behaviour without viewing the entire picture. Each time we weigh other in the mental scale, think twice before we start the process. Only when we are weighed in the scale do we realize how much our worth actually weighs against the lives that we lead.

Posted in Life, Personal Musings, Stories Around the World

Aftermath of Ripples

Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix, but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that’s a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect. Rob Reiner

Two men were out on the water in a boat. One of them began drilling in the bottom of the boat, and the other, aghast said “What are you doing? Stop drilling!”. And the first man replied: “It’s all right. I’m only drilling on my side.”

Whether it’s your side or my side, the drilling of the hole affects all the travelers in the boat. This was a forward I had recently received from a friend. There are other versions similar to the above tale, although I believe this was adapted from the parable in the Jewish Midrash Rabbah. The message underlying is that the action of one person whether intentional or not, will affect those around him, either directly or indirectly.

Like the ripples caused by a stone in water, one leads to another till the action wears off. In real life, the ripples caused can have drastic impact, of the good kind and of the dangerous type. An accident, sudden death or harsh words can offset a chain of events that haven’t been predicted or foreseen. While some call it fate, not all events can be grouped under that umbrella. The consequence of our actions at time can be unfathomable. Drunk driving, hit-and-run, speeding, unsupervised work at construction sites are few instances that remind us that our actions impact everyone, not just us.

“Our personal ripple effect is the power of one generating hope and change in others for a better world. Like ripples radiating across the surface of a pond when a pebble is tossed in, kindness is powerful and has far-reaching, positive ramifications that bring about a tremendous sense of joy.” Laurie Buchanan

While we do good, others do benefit and same with the bad. When we try not to cause harm to others by keeping our selfish interests under check, it makes the world a better place to live. In case we forget this important fact, remember very often what goes around comes around as well. After all time doesn’t discriminate.

While it may seem small, the ripple effects of small things is extraordinary. Matt Bevin

Posted in Daily, Quotes, Reflections, Stories Around the World

What Goes A Long Way

“Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners. Laurence Sterne”

Respect. Courtesy. Consideration. Manners.

What maybe a simple “Good morning” or “Hello” from our side may have made someone else’s day or even changed their perspective when they were in the dark. Yet that innocent and courteous greeting can go a long way, helping us when we least expect it. While respect mayn’t always be necessary to be returned in kind there and then; it can brighten the day both for us and for the addressee. No matter how busy the day might be or how close the deadlines are looming and how hectic the schedule may be, always take the time to treat others with due regard and courtesy.

“We learned about gratitude and humility – that so many people had a hand in our success, from the teachers who inspired us to the janitors who kept our school clean… and we were taught to value everyone’s contribution and treat everyone with respect. Michelle Obama”

This is a story that I had read through my social media pages which struck a chord. Although I don’t know if it’s true, the message conveyed is worth the effort and time to browse through it.

The woman worked at the meat factory. One day, at the end of her working day, she went into the freezer to check something, but the door accidentally closed – and the woman was locked from the inside.
The woman screamed and knocked with all her might — it was all to no avail — no one could hear her. Most of the workers have already left, and outside the freezer it is impossible to hear what is happening inside. Five hours later, when death seemed inevitable, the factory guard opened the door — and the woman miraculously escaped that day from death. Later, the woman asked the guard why he decided to check the freezer that day, because it was not his responsibility. The guard replied: “I have been working at this factory for 35 years, hundreds of people come and leave every day, but you are one of the few who greeted me in the morning and said goodbye at the end of the working day. Many relate to me, as if I am invisible … Today, passing by me, you, as always, told me “Hello”. But after work, I noted with curiosity that I did not hear your “so long, see you tomorrow,” and I did not see you leaving the factory’s territory. So I decided to check around the factory. I’m so used to your “hello” and “bye” every day, because they remind me that I need someone. Not hearing your farewell today, I realized that something had happened. That is why I have been looking for you everywhere. ” 

Be humble, love and respect those around you. After all, we never know what will happen tomorrow.