Family and Society – Page 41 – Sugar And Spice… Among Other Things

Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Photography Art

Happy by Berries

Posted on October 18, 2018October 10, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“..it is a corpse, and not man, which needs these six feet. . . . It is not six feet of earth, not a country-estate, that man needs, but the whole globe, the whole of nature, room to display his qualities and the individual characteristics of his soul.” (Ivan Ivanovich)

These were the lines told by the character Ivan Ivanovich in the story “Gooseberries” by Anton Chekhov. One of the most noted Russian playwright and short-story writer who brought early modernism into theatre, Anton Pavlovich Chekhov practiced as a medical doctor throughout most of his literary career. Gooseberries was written towards the end of Chekhov’s life and this tale explores the themes of social injustice, the quest for fulfillment and happiness as well as our perceptions of what makes us happy.

In short, Ivan Ivanovich, tells the story of his younger brother Nikolai Ivanovich. The latter is a government official who is possessed by the desire to return to the country where he had spent his early years with happiness and carefree joy. The sign of this cherished dream was owning land with a gooseberry bush. Finally his aspiration came true. Ivan Ivanovich tells of his visit to Nikolai, who has become now idle, stingy, mean and apparently happy living in what he imagined to be his earthly paradise. Ivan Ivanovich then contemplates about the nature of human happiness, which according to him is the result of any man’s views within the walls of the narrow world he’d built for himself.

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For me, the beauty of this story lies in the measures by which we define our happiness. Each one has their own concept of being happy. While one labels being happy in the creature comforts and the luxuries confined within the four walls or one’s estate neglecting the outside world, the other feels happy by engaging in social activities and routines with other fellow beings.

The pursuit of happiness does lie in what we want in our lives. Fame, riches, material gains versus being free of spirit, enjoying social works and community, morality or spirituality; we get to decide what we want. One fact that is glaringly obvious is that happiness is a perspective that is temperamental. Happiness can be an illusion or a reality. Either by living a life of a buoyant pragmatic approach realism or by a vacuous bourgeois existence, we get to chose how to be happy. Just as no man is an island, our happiness increases when we share it. The approach for happiness might be different for each one of us, but if the path to one’s happiness lies in the complete destruction of another person, then that view of happiness is not only distorted but is dangerous and disastrous as well.

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Family and Society, Photography Art, poetry, Reflections

Trap of the Spider

Posted on October 17, 2018October 16, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Will you walk into my parlour?” said the Spider to the Fly,
‘Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I’ve a many curious things to show when you are there.”

For those of us who haven’t heard of or read these lines before, these are the opening lines of “The Spider and the Fly” is a poem by Mary Howitt. The poem weaves the tale of the cunning Spider who ensnares the naïve Fly through the use of seduction and flattery. Primarily this poem serves a cautionary tale against those disguise their true purpose and their evil intentions with a heavy dose of flattery and charm.

Why did these lines suddenly surface to memory? Because beyond flattery and charm, these words stipulate of a false offer of help or friendship that is in fact a trap. We meet many kinds of people in our daily walks of life especially at work, at college or university, in schools, soccer practices, local neighbourhood and even at our regular diners, parlours, gym and the market. Some of these passing acquaintances become good friends while others are like ships at the harbour, they dock, load and unload, then leave. Yet in all these interactions, there will be some offers of help which we accept based either on recommendations, favours or past dealings. On the other hand, a great deal of charm and flattery which acts as false balm to the soul wins. Eventually these end up as a trap causing a great deal of harm.

It is in these situations that I am reminded of the scene between the spider and the fly. In real life, to avoid the trap these situations have to be dealt with a great deal of tact and flair. But first, to avoid the trap, trust your gut. The inner voice inside our head, the warning bells in our mind or the queasy uneasy feeling all remind us to watch our back. From then on, it’s a matter of tact and careful untangling of ourselves from the sticky web. Although it looks difficult, there will always be a way out as long as we follow the direction of the light.

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Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings

Choice of Flight or Fight

Posted on October 16, 2018September 28, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

As I was reading the reviews of few movies, many were based on the trope of either the hero or heroine struggling in one town, get their heart broken, dreams smashed and then they pack their bags, finally reinventing themselves in a new place.

This cliché wins the crowd almost all the time. Maybe it’s because it centers on the fact that we can win any struggle by changing our environment, resetting our frame of mind and then give a fresh try. The only catch is that we always believe the guise of being bold to step outside our comfort zone and renew our positive forces is enough to get our dreams going all the time. To an extent this may help. For at times we do need to detach, step outside our regular zone and take a chance for change. Yet this strategy doesn’t always work.

For some, running away from the problems may not work and we are thrown into the state of chaos again. Instead of embracing and dealing with the discomfort and sorting out the mess, we leave falsely believing that doing so will give us the control of calling the shots. But on running away we are adding to an indefinite issue of our emotional mess and trauma. Finally the clutter will seep through every facet of our life, ranging from work to our social and even mental life. As Haruki Murakami quoted, “Distance might not solve anything, no matter how far you run.”

We can’t write a new chapter without completing the old one or closing it with an abrupt finish. If we do so, there is a chance that we will flutter about in the new chapter. This fairy-tale world that we live in for now will be overturned by the baggage of the past and problems or loose ends that were never resolved. Instead we will eventually bleed out at minor scratches. Such an existence will be a terrible one. Eventually the time will come when we lose our roots and forget who we were, to start with.

The art of life rests on our understanding of when to stay and when to leave, of when to fight or when is flight the answer. True that the art does lie in reining our positive energies and our focus, striving to step out of our comfort zone and explore new horizons when required. Yet the art also lies in staying when the initial reaction is to flee and also to focus on what truly matters even if it unsettles us. The primal fear of man is being stuck in a rut of discontent and indecisiveness of whether the right choices were made. Yet all the “ifs” can be fought only if challenge the fear, face it, rise up higher than it and then fight it down. Then the fear will shrink away when it matters. To refuse to run when it really matters and stand our ground will make all the difference in the long run.

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Christian, Daily, Family and Society, Personal Musings

What We Pray For…

Posted on October 14, 2018October 13, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

This Sunday morning, after church there was one thought circling in my mind, “What do we usually pray for ?” Each time we pray, besides thanking for the daily Grace, we have a long list of requests. No doubt that God listens to our every request and problems. Solutions to complicated issues and survival through difficult times stems from our inherent faith in His Grace. But at times I feel we ask things in such a way that we don’t realize our requests are selfish and many a time, unreasonable.

What comes to my mind, is this story that I had read previously in one of the newsletters our church subscribes to.

“I asked God to punish my enemy and God told me: “No. He is destined to be your best friend. “

I asked God to grant me patience – and God said to me: “No. Patience is the result of trials. He is not given, he is taught. “

I asked God to take away my pride – and God said to me: “No. Pride is not taken away. They renounce it. “

I asked God to give me happiness – and God said to me: “No. I give blessings, and whether you will be happy depends on you. “

I asked God to save me and my loved ones from pain – and God said to me: “No. We suffer and overcome suffering together. “

I asked God for spiritual growth – but God told me: “No. The Spirit must grow itself, but I will always prompt. “

I asked God to help me love others just as He loves me – and God said: “With joy! Oh, finally you understand what you need to ask “

The Corinthian Love , true selfless love like God’s love for us (agape) has always been the epitome of the christian concept of love. In the modern times, love has been always an associated concept of relationship between a couple, friends or in a family. Yet love extends beyond that. The love for our fellow beings and country is a part of the concept too. As taught to us in 1 Peter 4:8, “Above all, have fervent love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”

For with the Corinthian love; enemies will be forgiven at heart, trials will be lessons, pride is submerged and happiness is found even at low times. By this love, pain and suffering is overcome. Above all, this kind of love teaches us to be the light of His Word in our daily life.

Though in the times that we live, these things are easier said than done. For everyone does live by their own agenda and each one has their own share of troubles. Yet despite all these, once in a while, if we base our actions on the Corinthian love, the peace and the joy we get is worth enduring the battles that life throws us into at any point of time.

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Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Stories Around the World

True Purpose of Education

Posted on October 5, 2018September 29, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

Today, October 5 would be the 24th year of the International Teachers Day ( a.k.a World Teacher’s Day). Initially established in 1994, this day focuses on the appreciation of educators especially teachers and even university professors as well as their role played in the development of students; thus giving an immense contribution to society. Although in some countries it may be celebrated on different days, many nations have given importance and appreciation to the role of the teachers in the society.

With generations of teachers in the family, everyone strongly believes that education is beyond the blackboards and the books. During my high school days, I had chanced to read the “Letter to His Son’s Teacher” , a letter Abraham Lincoln had allegedly wrote to his son’s school teacher on the first day of class. Though the letter is every parent’s wish that their children would learn, sources and citations are insufficient to claim that the letter was originally written by Abe Lincoln.

In spite of the query of authenticity, this letter holds additionally to subject or textbook learning what teachers and educators should make sure their students learn. For those of us, who haven’t read it, the letter is as follows.

“My son starts school today. It is all going to be strange and new to him for a while and I wish you would treat him gently. It is an adventure that might take him across continents. All adventures that probably include wars, tragedy and sorrow. To live this life will require faith, love and courage.

So dear Teacher, will you please take him by his hand and teach him things he will have to know, teaching him – but gently, if you can. Teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. He will have to know that all men are not just, that all men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero, that for every crooked politician, there is a dedicated leader.

Teach him if you can that 10 cents earned is of far more value than a dollar found. In school, teacher, it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat. Teach him to learn how to gracefully lose, and enjoy winning when he does win.

Teach him to be gentle with people,tough with tough people. Steer him away from envy if you can and teach him the secret of quiet laughter. Teach him if you can – how to laugh when he is sad, teach him there is no shame in tears. Teach him there can be glory in failure and despair in success. Teach him to scoff at cynics.

Teach him if you can the wonders of books, but also give time to ponder the extreme mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun and flowers on a green hill. Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if every one tell him they are wrong.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone else is doing it. Teach him to listen to every one, but teach him also to filter all that he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through.

Teach him to sell his talents and brains to the highest bidder but never to put a price tag on his heart and soul. Let him have the courage to be impatient, let him have the patience to be brave. Teach him to have sublime faith in himself, because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind, in God.

This is the order, teacher but see what best you can do. He is such a nice little boy and he is my son.”

Life as we all know isn’t restricted to books alone or to the hard facts of knowledge. It is a blend of learning, thinking, emotional and social responsibilities with innate faith in God and oneself. To live a life of meaning will require us to look beyond the desk of assignments and grades alone. They are indeed essential in order to dream of aims, ambitions and to reach them as well. Yet there is a world out there beyond that, which every parent wishes their child would learn so as to eventually would carve a niche for themselves in it.

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Family and Society, Reflections, Stories Around the World, Work

Plant the Worry Tree

Posted on October 3, 2018October 2, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

In the present day, almost everyone holds a job. For instance, in a family of four, many a time both the husband and wife may be employed (or sometimes just the husband) or teenagers would be working part-time in order to contribute to their college fund. Even stay-at-home mothers have enough and more on their plate. Which or how ever may be the scenario or the reason, most of us hold jobs for certain hours everyday, after which we each return to our respective homes, either back to our families or shared quarters. The pressing question is how many of us bring our work with it’s own share of problems, back to our home ?

If we honestly answer, it would be an affirmative reply for many of us. Some of us may bring back our physical or actual work, others may bring back the problems and the mental as well as emotional difficulties faced that day, back with them while others may bring back both. Either way we lose out in our time at home with the family or our relaxation time for a whole load of stress again. The worst part is that we get up the next day to start the whole cycle of “work-stress-work” again. For those of us who work in the areas that we like or have a keen interest in may disagree with the stress, by saying that work for them was never stressful. However, the fact is by bringing the work with or without the problems home; we are losing “family time” or “me-time” to recoup.

In my early days of college, there was a story told in one of my lectures, which I would like to share.

The carpenter who was hired to help a man restore an old farmhouse had just finished his first day on the job and everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. First of all, on his way to work he had a flat tire that cost him an hour’s worth of pay, then his electric saw broke, and after work his old pickup truck refused to start. His new boss volunteered to give him a lift home and the whole way to his house the carpenter sat in stone silence as he stared out his window. Yet on arriving, he invited his boss in for a few minutes to meet his family. As they walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When he opened the door, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was one big smile as he hugged his two small children and kissed his wife.

Afterwards, the man walked his boss to his car to say thank you. Now on their way out of the house, the boss’ curiosity got the best of him so he had to ask the man about the tree on the front porch. He said, I noticed when you came up on the porch before going into your house you stopped and touched the tree, why? “Oh, that’s my trouble tree,” he replied. “I know I can’t stop from having troubles out on the job, but one thing’s for sure – my troubles don’t belong in the house with my wife and children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again.” “Funny thing is,” he smiled, “when I come out in the morning to pick ‘em up, they aren’t nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.”

We all have encountered our own share of troubles and struggles, some of us deal with it by bringing them with wherever we go, some might ignore it hoping it would go away somehow while others try to deal with their problems while their heads are still above water. The idea of hanging the problems on a “worry tree” or a ‘‘trouble tree” outside the door isn’t a bad one, in fact we can find our own modifications on dealing with the stresses. I have been successful in dealing with my own share of problems and worries by laying them down at the feet of the Lord. “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. (Psalm 55:22)”

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Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Work

Delegation vs. Micro-managing

Posted on September 29, 2018September 15, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

All of us have heard about the seven wonders of the world. It includes the ancient, medieval and the modern architectural great works as separate lists. The works range from the Great Pyramids of Giza to the Great Wall of China, the Roman Colosseum, the Taj Mahal Of India, the Stonehenge and the Ely Cathedral of England to name a few. Coming to the modern world, the 20th century saw the Channel Tunnel, the Panama Canal, the Golden Gate Bridge among many others. All these works were not built in a day but required an immense amount of time, team work and skills, not by one lone person but by groups of people.

All said, the balance between “many hands make lighter work” and “too many cooks spoil the broth” has to be struck in time. The following anecdotal story is often used in various management training sessions.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Delegation of work is a fine art, which results in the final masterpiece. It is not humanly feasible to complete a big project or a responsibility by micro-managing every small item or by being the lone wolf. To achieve completion, would require the person who is in charge to delegate selected tasks to people. Yet the beauty of the completed project lies in the decisions to delegate what to whom and when. It also requires the in-charge to match the amount of work with the right degree of authority and responsibility. The entire accountability can’t be delegated but only some of the huge task.

Delegation doesn’t include just handing over. It encompasses communication of the rationale and benefits of the work, context for the project, setting down defined or expected standards, clarification of required results, granting of required authority, getting the necessary commitment, regular followups and above all to provide support for crossing over the hurdles.

Even the Scriptures is filled with detailed descriptions of delegation of work. For instance, Moses was laboring from dawn till late night attempting to resolve the conflicts among the Israelites (who were led out of Eygpt after 400 years of slavery) in the Sinai desert. Jethro, his father-in-law who was a priest of Midian saw the immense workload for Moses was not sustainable and he would head for trouble. He pulled Moses aside and celebrated what God had done through him, then gave him some wise invaluable counsel regarding the concept of delegation (Exodus 18:1-23). In I Kings, we read that Solomon had mastered the fine art of managing through men and the Kingdom was enlarged. Even our Lord Saviour was willing to delegate; as seen in Luke 10:1-23 for after the Lord had given detailed instruction, He sent seventy itinerant preachers who though were inexperienced and far less capable than their Teacher, they were blessed by God.

Delegation is an ongoing process and has the ability to reap far many dividends. As rightly said by H.E.Luccock, “No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it.”