Reflections – Page 26 – Sugar And Spice… Among Other Things

Family and Society, Life, Personal Musings, Reflections, Work

Address the Irritation

Posted on February 4, 2019December 5, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?” Rumi

We all have our own set of vices. One of the most frequent one that we indulge in is “irritation.” In the everyday life, ranging from the pigeons that spoil our car and the windowsill with their droppings to children who badger us with their queries (besides needing us to repeat things a hundred times), colleagues at work with snide comments to elderly who are hard of hearing or household chores piling up to less personal time for oneself; we are annoyed by someone or something at a given time.

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“Feeling irritated, restless, afraid, and hopeless is a reminder to listen more carefully.” Pema Chodron

It would be futile to address every irritation, for at times it may not be possible to do so. Instead reflect on the factors, sequence of events and reasons behind them for it would help us deal with “the irritation” better. To quote Carl Jung, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

The real art of countering them lies in knowing when to keep quiet or feign ignorance and when to react, to kill the irritation. Yet continuously addressing “the irritation” can wear one down. Instead practicing self- restraint can go a long way in making our day more pleasant and circumstances less trying.

“At times a person’s actions irritate us but not his words. At times a person’s words irritate us but not his actions. At times both words and actions are irritating. See the suffering behind these, ignore the irritation and practice kindness.” Anonymous

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Life, Quotes, Reflections, Work

Nurture the Patience

Posted on February 2, 2019November 16, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

In this instantaneous times that we are a part of, somewhere along the way we began expecting all the events and happenings to occur in a set sequence, allotting each step a limited amount of time set by us. Alas, as nature has time and again shown, the timeline that man sets can never be followed to a “T”. Instead both time and nature have taught mankind the essential art of patience.

Take for instance, the Chinese Bamboo Tree, it takes 5 years for it to reach the 80 feet height in six weeks. In the first year, despite the nurturing through water, sunlight and rich fertile soil; there is no visible sign of growth. Continuing on for three to four years; there is no evidence of the plant growing above the ground. Yet when it reaches its’ magnificent height during the fifth, the tree neither breaks nor bends as its’ strong root system which it has been growing for the past four years holds it firm and strong. Had the tree not developed a strong unseen foundation it could not have sustained its life as it grew. There are many more lessons that nature and God’s creations teach us, from caterpillar to butterflies, ugly ducklings to graceful swans, the radiance of sunflower and the rise of the green shoots through the end of the winter to mark spring.

Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come. Robert H. Schuller

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Like nature, those who set their pace with patience find great rewards and inner peace. Contrary to the popular notion, patience doesn’t imply the ability to simply endure or wait, neither it is a humiliation nor a compromise of one’s beliefs, desires or ambitions.

Patience is the ability to maintain the equanimity of the spirit in those circumstances that interfere with the inner peace or composure. Patience also epitomizes the behaviour while we are waiting. Patience is the ability to go towards the goal, strengthening perseverance especially when there are various obstacles on the way. Patience is the ability to maintain a joyful spirit in the midst of difficulties, troubles and sadness. Patience is there when victorious and overcoming the hurdles. Patience adopts the form of courage in face of trials, temptations and tempest. This is what true patience encompasses.

I have seen many storms in my life. Most storms have caught me by surprise, so I had to learn very quickly to look further and understand that I am not capable of controlling the weather, to exercise the art of patience and to respect the fury of nature. Paulo Coelho

People who patiently toil towards their dreams and goals, build their character while overcoming adversity and challenge, setting the strong internal foundation to handle success. Meanwhile those who with impatience use the shortcuts to get rich, famous and earn the stamp of being successful, more often discover that they are usually unable to sustain the unearned sudden wealth. For to support true success, the armour of patience, fortitude and perseverance are necessary to don the cloak of inner peace and triumph.

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. Leo Tolstoy

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Daily, Family and Society, Life, Quotes, Reflections

Screen “Timed”

Posted on January 31, 2019November 16, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

The other day, my colleague and I were sitting at a cafe during our break hours. While enjoying our coffee, it was interesting to note that couples or groups at various tables were mostly on their phones. In the case of singlets, I would be able to understand but for couples to be mostly on phones felt strange. Late that day, during my drive back to home, the similar situations were seen among the students waiting for or on the bus, passengers on the bus, at the grocers’ – everyone were on their “screen time mode” be it phones, iPads or tablets. The question that popped in my mind was “how much of screen time do we attend to each day ?”

The sad fact is we all live in our screens. Trips are taken to showcase photos as proof of fun, not vice versa. If one disagrees, then why do we cram up so much sights in one day to see when we go on a break instead of enjoying each hour that we spend.

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Sometimes you have to disconnect to stay connected. Remember the old days when you had eye contact during a conversation? When everyone wasn’t looking down at a device in their hands? We’ve become so focused on that tiny screen that we forget the big picture, the people right in front of us. Regina Brett

Screen time has cost us our ability to talk. We lack communication primarily, because we are too busy staring at the screens, or tired from staring at the screen all day or we are too caught up on thinking about what is happening on the screen. Each one of us have our own coat of interests, acquaintances offline and online, yet when they interfere with our social bonding, family ties, relationships and health; its’ time to re-evaluate.

The drawback of modern communication is that we “message, chat or pictorize” but we don’t communicate or really know how one is feeling or understand and listen to each other. Consequently we lose out on real love, kinship and bonds; instead we get swamped by bouts or periods of loneliness, inattention, superficiality and emptiness. There are many instances in families, communities or campuses, where individuals live under the same roof but know squat about each other. Privacy should be respected, but knowing basics of whether you like tea or coffee, vegan or not, healthy or unwell, address or one’s dislikes and likes is essential to forge and maintain bonds.

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“It’s not just about limiting screen time; it’s about teaching kids to develop good habits in real life As well as managing their screen time.” Cynthia Crossley

The worst hit from excessive screen time are families. They live together but sit in their gadgets, completely oblivious to each other speaking “different languages”. Parents and children forget to talk to each other. There are exchange of words but no connection, intimacy, enjoyment or relaxation to just be together. “The key is to teach them how to be safe with technology, because ultimately, we want our children to be in charge of technology, rather than feeling technology is in charge of them,” as said by Elaine Halligan, London director of The Parent Practice

Knowing to delegate screen time is necessary, as each year in life happens only once. Adults can’t relive their childhood years like their children. Each one will grow up quickly and time will fly. Kids will grow up quickly, and we will not be able to sit with them, read books or just have some fun. We adults might find it late to spend time with someone dear, because life in general is lived quickly. We need to distribute our time to one another. When “screen time” becomes “screen life”, its’ time to change before we too get swiped by a tap.

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Christian, Daily, Life, Quotes, Reflections

Uncloaking the Loneliness

Posted on January 28, 2019November 16, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness. Norman Cousins

The feeling of being alone or utter helplessness have swamped us at some point in our lives. The degrees and hours by which we have succumbed to it may have varied, but many of us have seen what loneliness does when it strikes.

Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement, and death will be part of your journey, but the Kingdom of God will conquer all these horrors. No evil can resist grace forever. Brennan Manning

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Where does this sudden engulfing feeling of being lonely arise from? Loneliness can be likened to a voice in our head which tunes into the underlying feeling of doubt, unworthiness or insecurities. When we understand the nature and root cause of loneliness, then we realize that those thoughts can be analyzed and weeded out. Loneliness is the sneaky voice of the darkness that tries to convince that we are not loved. For the very hairs of our head are numbered by Our Lord (as said in Luke 12:7) and accounted for. We are His Children, blessed with His Grace and His Love, of the most sincere and unimaginable kind. His Love casts out fear and breaks the deceitful voice of loneliness, which intrudes the harmony of acceptance, music of encouragement and the symphony of Love, Joy and Peace.

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”John 14:18

Loneliness can be suppressed by good books, melodramas, alcohol or even people, for some time. Yet unless we give vent to the voice and put our complete faith and trust in Him, this feeling will keep striking again and again. Let the special residence of God and His Heavenly Grace flow over us, pouring into our mind, body and soul cutting off the voice of the darkness in our mind.

“…..And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Mathew 28:20

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Christian, Daily, Family and Society, Reflections

Gentleness through Time

Posted on January 27, 2019November 16, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.” – Francis de Sales

From time to time we meet gentle people. One of the attributes that is lost in today’s world is gentleness laced with tenderness. This virtue is rather difficult to meet in a society that admires rudeness and strength. We are encouraged to achieve goals and as quickly as possible, even if we disregard the honest approach and use shortcuts, suffering in the process. Consequently for the value of success, achievement and performance; the price we pay is too high. For to excel in such an environment, there is no room for tenderness. The gentle one echoes the words of Mathew 12:20 which says “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he has brought justice through to victory.”

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“When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time.” Francis de Sales

A gentle person is attentive to the strengths and weaknesses of other people, enjoys being together which is as important as accomplishing anything. A gentle person walks with ease, looks with affection, touches with reverence and knows that true growth requires care with quiet inner strength. In our rough and sometimes inflexible world, tenderness can be a vivid reminder of the presence of God.

“Let us seek the grace of a cheerful heart, an even temper, sweetness, gentleness, and brightness of mind, as walking in His light, and by His grace. Let us pray to Him to give us the spirit of ever-abundant, ever springing love, which overpowers and sweeps away the vexations of life by its own richness and strength, and which, above all things, unites us to Him who is the fountain and the centre of all mercy, loving-kindness, and joy.” – John Henry Newman

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Daily, Family and Society, Life, Reflections

Converse to Communicate

Posted on January 25, 2019November 14, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory. Emily Post

In our day-to-day life, we come across many people of different personality types, various behaviours or views, and going through their individual set of emotions at the various phases in their lives. Yet a common thread running through all the people we meet either at work, neighbourhood or market is conversation. The latter can range from being a casual nod to a simple greeting of “Hello, How do you do ?” or talk of the weather, politics (regional to global), work and the daily happenings.

A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That’s why there are so few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet. Truman Capote

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Unfortunately not all of us can strike a conversation at the right time or a fruitful one which doesn’t end up in a war of words or ideas. This art has come to a point where social messaging and screen talk leaves one more comfortable than being engaged in a face-to-face conversations. The sad fact is real communication doesn’t grow from written words but meaningful exchange of words, ideas, thoughts, expressions and emotions.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. George Bernard Shaw

Yet when conversing makes us uneasy, tactless, upset or bored to the point of losing people, breaking relationships and friendships; it is time to introspect and sift through the mind to find out what went wrong. There are a few tips that I often find helpful when discoursing with others.

1. When you know something, but not asked; it helps to keep quiet and listen.
2. When you are at the receiving end of a talk, learn to be silent to listen. Two can’t talk at once for no one would be able to hear then.
3. Do not interfere in other people’s conversations especially when standing in a sub groups of group.

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Plato

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4. Answer the questions, but do not elaborate to the point where others’ get a faraway look, start yawning or contemplating other activities’ in their mind.
5. When you want to tell something before you start doing, hold the tongue. For don’t tell others before time, until you have done it. Instead switch over the talk to interest, advice or opinion.
6. Do not tell people of their shortcomings, unless asked.

Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing. Rollo May

7. When feelings are hurt or reproached, keeping quiet with a smile and walking away really helps.
8. When the talk seems unfair or unjustified to you; say the same with reasoning, quietly and calmly.
9. Speaking abruptly, out of context or with excitement doesn’t help in the exchange of ideas or flow of words. Instead simmer the glee, watch their eyes and body language and then explore the ideas running in the mind with context to the situation at hand.

Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood. William Shakespeare

Ideas, talk and words are like milk. Once spilt, can’t be completely retrieved. As Shannon L. Adler had said, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a life long quest of the wise.”

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Christian, Life, Quotes, Reflections

End in the Circle

Posted on January 16, 2019November 16, 2018 by Sugar and Spice..... Among Other Things

When we look at the skies every night, one startling fact is that everything that stays in the universe is round, or spherical (perfect or oblate spheroid) to put in better terms. As per the laws of physics, it is a balance of gravitational and centrifugal forces as well as rotational speed that results in the asteroids, stars and planets being spheroid to galaxies being disc shaped.

Putting the scientific aspects into the world of philosophical views and thinking, when we look back through our various phases in life, we come to the understanding that everything boils down to being round especially “what goes around, comes around” like a circle or an oval.

While we see one person at one phase in our life, we realize what the latter had gone through only when we walk in the similar shoes which maybe soon or much later, at another point in our life. Although the Lord made all of us different, in essential unless we learn to appreciate the differences we never realize what a beautiful picture the various versions make.

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Joy, feeling one’s own value, being appreciated and loved by others, feeling useful and capable of production are all factors of enormous value for the human soul. Maria Montessori

Each of us has our own life, our own way of life, our own life situations. A person who has not gone through troubles and temptations will not understand the grieving. A happy father will not understand a father who has lost his child. The newlywed will not understand the divorced. A person whose parents are alive will not understand the one who has just buried his mother.

What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness? Jean-Jacques Rousseau

One can theorize, but there is a practice of life. We often don’t have life experiences and when we begin to gain it, we remember those who we had condemned, with whom we were strict and we begin to understand that at that moment we are like dummies. We did not understand how this person felt. We tried to edify them to the view we wanted to see them to make them but he was not up to remarks. Their hearts were filled with grief, their souls were weary and tired, they did not need lectures and lofty words. All they needed at that moment was sympathy, compassion and consolation, but we did not understand it. And when the Lord takes us through the same thing, we begin to feel what the other person felt. This would be one of the “circles of life” that everyone would go through at some point of time or other.

One’s life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion. Simone de Beauvoir

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